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Our judges know an oath when they hear it

Down on Flounder Creek

POSTED: February 13, 2009 10:24 a.m.
Well now, wouldn’t you think the No. 1 judge in the country could get it right the first time? I’m sure you all know by now that I’m talking about the swearing in ceremony of one President Barack Obama by Chief Big Daddy John Roberts of the Supreme Court of the USA.
It was a timing disaster from the first line of the oath. It went something like this..
John: I Barack Obama do
Barry: I Barack
John: Swear..
Barry: Obama
John: Faithfully uphold
Barry: The faithfull constitution.
John: Yikes. Do over … do over … do over!
Barry: So, this is how it’s gonna be from the get go?
John: So help me God.
Barry: Where’s my gun?
Judge Roberts thought by memorizing the oath he would stand out as a know-all, see-all kinda guy, but even Bob Dylan can’t always get it right when there’s 2,000,000 freezing people standing right in front of the band and another 5,000,000,000 watching on the tube.
Sometimes a cheat sheet is a good thing.
I’ll bet that when Paul Rose or David Cavender swears in some county commissioner, he reads it word-for-word from the Book of All Things Local and Foreign. Now, I’m not too sure of Judge Rahn because he’s from Glennville and sometimes Glennville people want to do it their own way. Retired Judge John Harvey would have made up his own oath and dared you to say anything about it.
Judge Russell would have said, “Hey, I’m a Russell. My last name is on every federal building in the country. Let’s talk about that for awhile.”  
And our newest judge, Judge Jay Stewart, spent most of his life playing the guitar. From an early age, he was taught by his daddy to just rear back and wing it. Open the music book only if you can’t figure it out for yourself.
If Judge Jay had been the oath-giver for the prez, it would have been better as far as the timing went. Guitar pickers know timing.
Stewart: Ya ready, bro?
Barry: Ready.
Stewart: I Barack Obama … 2 … 3 … 4 … Do solemnly swear.
Barry: I Barack Obama … 2 … 3 … 4 … Do solemnly swear to faithfully.
Stewart: Whoa … Did I say faithfully yet? Don’t rush it. I’m still in my solo.
Barry: Sorry.
Stewart: To faithfully uphold the constitution.
Barry: Of the United States.
Stewart: Don’t make me tell you again, quit stepping on my lines.
Barry: Sorry.
Stewart: Jeez … Now where were we? Oh, yeah. Forsaking all of my previous loves, and I promise not to let anyone named Monica into the Oval Office in sickness or in health.
Barry: Till death do us part.
Stewart: Welcome to the bazaar world of American politics.
Barry: Thank you, judge.
Stewart: That’s ‘Mr. Guitar Man’ to you. Now, what do you think you’ll do first as the leader of the greatest nation in the world?
Barry: After buying new rims for the limo, I plan to end world hunger and fire you, Mr. Guitar Man.”
 

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