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High def with a low-definition mind set

Down on Flounder Creek

POSTED: February 20, 2009 10:38 a.m.
I’ve always been of the mind that new stuff is cool, and it never seems to bother me that the new stuff isn’t always better.
With this thought in mind, I just barely remember what life was like without high-definition television. These days, I often find myself staying inside and watching “The View” just because it’s so, well, high def. You can see every little hair in Whoopie’s nose, and God forbid someone is sporting a king-sized zit –– yikes.
Can TV be too clear? I think not.
Pretty soon, we’re going to have the changeover from whatever it is now to whatever it’s gonna be. Digital, I think.
It was supposed to be this week, but three people in South Dakota had not received the message yet and were still watching a front-loading washing machine they thought was NBC.
This is just one more reason why there should be only one Dakota. Their state motto could be “One Dakota High Def” or “A Giant Step Backward for Mankind.”
There are all kinds of def things going on in this day and time. There’s Def Comedy Jam which I know nothing about. I saw it once and everyone cursed a lot and talked about how stupid white people were.
There’s high-def TV and tone-def record producers who broadcast their wares on high-def radio signals that come into your car radio that you have to pay extra for because if’n you don’t, you’re going to have to watch and listen in (gulp) LOW DEF!
I’m ranting.
As soon as I got a credit card that worked, I was off to Circuit World to go highhhhh defffffff. High-def TV, high-def cables, high-def speakers, and a smoking VISA card that barely works.
Now that I have the equipment for the hook up, I must sign on for the high-def plan. I have TVs all over the house, but I can only afford to hook one TV to the high-def plan so now everybody gathers in the high-def area and decides what to watch … in highhhhh defffffffff.
While I’m insisting that we watch something educational, such as “Everybody Loves Raymond” or the “Little League World Series,” I’m usually voted down by my wife. We have one vote each but the dog always votes with her.
I’ve come to find out that shows like “Oprah’s Hormone Special” or “Dr. Phil Takes Dr. Oz to the Doctor,” always take precedence over “Friday Night Smackdown” and “Blood Fest.” It makes the dog nervous when they show wrinkles or stretch marks.
I either read or heard it from a fellow Flounder Creekian that the next big thing for the super whopper high-definition media is going to be scratch-and-sniff TV. A “must-have” for the foodie in all of us. Just imagine, if you will, a big whiff of Paula Dean or Paul Prudohme after a long day in the kitchen.
I do love progress. Why, it seems like only yesterday that I was installing my brand new, state-of-the-art eight track under the dash of my brand new ’64 Galaxy 500.
Life was good, four on the floor, $2,800, out the door … A real cool car, fast and sweet. Even had a booger patch under the front seat.
 

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