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Missing recital, other 'firsts' not a big deal

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POSTED: December 23, 2009 9:17 a.m.
Dilemma of the week: A mom recently told me that her daughter’s first piano recital had been scheduled for the same weekend as her college football team’s bowl game. She got grannie to go to the recital and she and her husband went to the bowl game. Grannie apparently disapproved of the parents’ decision, but stood in for them anyway. Mom asks, “Did I do the right thing?”
In the interest of full disclosure, I am obligated to tell the reader that I would rather watch a faucet drip than go to a football game. Or a basketball, hockey or baseball game for that matter. I liberated myself from any interest in sports many years ago, and I am a happier camper as a result. Notwithstanding my cultural heresy, I approve the parents’ decision.
If the child was disappointed, so be it. Into every life some disappointment must fall. Furthermore, everyone needs to learn that it’s not all about them, and the earlier learned, the better. Let’s face it folks, a first piano recital is not in the same class as a Bar Mitzvah or a tonsilectomy. Besides, it may well be that the girl performed better knowing her parents were not watching. And I’m absolutely certain the parents had a better time at the football game, even if their team lost. (At this point, my editor compels me to also disclose that I’d rather go to a football game than to a child’s piano recital.)
Question of the week: The mother of a preschool boy asks if and how she should discipline him when he is suffering one of his recurrent ear infections. The youngster is generally well-behaved, but is “bad” when he’s in aural discomfort.
My general rule is that if a child is not sick enough to be confined to bed, then normal behavioral expectations and, therefore, normal discipline should prevail. On the other hand, if a child’s physical discomfort does not require bed rest, but causes his behavior to slide downhill, then he ought to be put to bed, thus reducing if not eliminating the need for discipline.

Rosemond, a family psychologist, answers questions at his Web site: www.rosemond.com.
 

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