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Another knife for all occasions

POSTED: July 2, 2012 5:00 p.m.

I thought I had seen about all the “super knife” commercials that there could possibly be with all the marvelous things a blade could do illustrated in high definition.

But I was wrong.

You know, I’ve always appreciated a good knife, especially a good pocket knife. Basically, I just want one that sharpens easily and holds a good edge. And I’ve never found it a great challenge to find one that meets those requirements.

Well, last night on cable television I ran across the “Bubba Knife.” Obviously, this is a knife for a man, otherwise it would have been called the “Bubbajean Knife.”

It looks like a miniature Samurai sword. Apparently it never needs sharpening. It can have its place in the finest kitchen in Paris or on the belt of a mountain man survivalist. The way they described this utensil is that you can just point it at a fish, and the fish will filet itself.

Actually I find some of these commercials, or as they call them “infomercials,” to be entertaining — at least by comparison with some of the regular programming.

I’m especially intrigued with the sale of kitchen knives, just to see what new, super-duper angle can be applied to something so simple and basic.

From what I could see about the “Bubba Knife” is that if you are on a camping trip and your friend has appendicitis, it could be used as a scalpel once you’ve skinned out the grizzly that invaded your camp the previous night. But if you also split kindling with it, be sure you get the resin off the blade before opening up old Fred.

Oh yes, the “Bubba Knife” is well balanced, they say. I’m not really sure what that means in terms of slicing a tomato. It just never seemed to be a quality control issue with me. I don’t know if the knives I have are well balanced. I’ll take one out on the back porch and see if I can get it to balance on the back of the porch swing. I don’t know why I would want it to do that, but it must be important or they wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Maybe if you’re going to have a well-balanced meal, you must cut it with a well-balanced knife.

I’m sure if the “Bubba Knife” had been around in primitive times, tribes would have mounted it on a large stone and worshipped it. And today, you might use it to invade a Third World country after you’ve field dressed an elk or prepared some sushi.

Maybe if I operated a butcher shop or a seafood store, I might consider buying a “Bubba Knife.” But since I just use knives to cut up a chicken occasionally, carve a ham or to spread mayonnaise on my boiled okra sandwich, the ones I have work just fine. By the same token, I never understood why we needed an atomic bomb 10,000 times more powerful than the one we used to blow up Japan. But that’s a whole nuther issue.

In closing, don’t be surprised if they don’t come back with the “Bubbajean” knife.

Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer.

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