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Humor: Graduating from school in three terms

God bless America, and how’s everybody?

POSTED: November 10, 2017 11:00 a.m.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Oklahoma Sooners quarterback Baker Mayfield was named a frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy in December. The OU campus brings back such fond memories. Despite my drinking, I was able to graduate from Oklahoma University after only three terms — Nixon’s, Ford’s and Carter’s.

The Climate Prediction Center split Monday over whether this winter will be an El Nino or La Nina. Last year was a godsend. Since President Trump’s election a year ago today, the seven-year drought in Los Angeles has been reduced by 97 percent, and that’s just from all the crying.

House of Cards is planning to off Kevin Spacey’s president of the United States character on the show due to the actor’s underage gay assault scandal. The re-casting is a no brainer. If Netflix wants great ratings they should replace Kevin with the guy who stars in Orange is the New President.

The White House reminded reporters that Wednesday is the one-year anniversary of President Trump’s election. It’s been touch-and-go for 12 wild months. Donald Trump came outside this morning and saw that he’s still president, and traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.

President Trump continued blazing his trail through Asia Monday. After he met with Japan’s prime minister that morning, he met South Korea’s leader that night, then asked if they hadn’t just met. It’s not difficult to be a comedian when you have got the entire government working for you.

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe of Japan hosted President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump at a lavish official state dinner in Tokyo on Monday night. They exchanged warm toasts. The Japanese leader vowed that Japan will stay close to the United States, if only out of morbid curiosity.
President Trump will meet with Asian leaders at an economic conference held in Vietnam this week. It should bring back memories. During the Vietnam War, Trump was kept alive and hidden by a Vietnamese girl who fed him and cared for him. They were in a basement in Greenwich Village.

The Secret Service arrested an Ethiopian from Dallas in Washington, DC’s Lafayette Park for vowing to kill Donald Trump and all white policemen in DC. The timing was terrible. The last thing the NFL needs right now is another reason why the players feel they should kneel during the anthem.

Sen. Rand Paul suffered broken ribs after he was assaulted by his neighbor while mowing his lawn in Bowling Green. That’s crazy, whoever heard of a Republican mowing his lawn? When Abe Lincoln was a poor, barefoot boy growing up in Kentucky, even he made the slaves mow the lawn.

The New York Police Department chief of detectives announced Friday the NYPD is building a rape case against Harvey Weinstein. He’s been kicked out of the Motion Picture Academy and Producers Guild. On the bright side, he was just named honorary captain of the Baylor football team.

Hillary Clinton was accused in a book by Donna Brazile of rigging the Democratic primaries last year by gaining financial control over the DNC and its disbursements. In the Forbes survey she also fell from her perch as the world’s second most powerful woman. Luckily she didn’t break her hip.

Christ Church in Virginia sparked outrage by removing pew plaques marking where George Washington and Robert E. Lee worshipped in Alexandria. We musn’t erase our history. Recently a 100-year-old time capsule was found inside a Confederate monument, it’s called Mississippi.

Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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