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The Cleveland Brown’s No. 1 pick?

POSTED: March 8, 2018 11:00 a.m.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Tower Records legendary founder Russ Solomon died at the age of 92 Sunday after he sold millions and millions of rock albums. His eternal future is uncertain. The fact that there’s a Highway to Hell but only a Stairway to Heaven tells you a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers.
The Academy Awards aired on ABC from the Nokia Theater on Hollywood Boulevard Sunday night. The people in the Oscar ceremony take themselves way too seriously. It’s always hilarious to me when the Oscar winners look up to the rafters and thank God, as if God couldn’t get better seats.

The Oscars applauded the Me, Too movement and then gave best screenplay to a pedophilia movie, best actor to an accused wife beater, and best animated short to an NBA star once charged with rape. A half-hour into the show, Harvey Weinstein took home three Oscars without their consent.
Emma Watson showed her Time’s Up tattoo at the Oscars signifying her support for the legal fund for victims of sex harassment. Not everyone gets the picture. The Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada is showing its support for the Time’s Up campaign by giving all their hookers an alarm clock.

Kobe Bryant was given a standing ovation when he won the Oscar for best animated short. It proved that a man has to actually be charged with rape before he can receive a standing ovation at the Oscars. If Roman Polanski doesn’t realize it’s safe to come home to Hollywood now, he never will.
British actor Gary Oldman won the Academy Award for best actor Sunday in Hollywood for his portrayal of Sir Winston Churchill in the movie “Darkest Hour.” I love the movie’s message to children. Heavy drinking might be hard work but it allows you to be the only one to see Hitler coming.

The White House website received petitions requesting that Billy Graham’s birthday be named a national holiday. It’s a partisan idea of course. Republicans are terrified that when the Rapture occurs and the righteous are called to Heaven, it will leave the Democrats with a permanent majority.
Pope Francis urged the faithful Sunday to stay strong to their Lenten commitments halfway to Easter. A new race issue recently arose. There’s a new claim that Jesus was dark-skinned, based on the conclusion that if Jesus had been white, the Romans would have let him off with a warning ticket.

President Trump was a surprise hit at the Gridiron Dinner Saturday by poking fun of himself and his staff. No one ever heard him be so self-deprecating. President Trump got so many laughs making fun of himself at the Gridiron Dinner that Alec Baldwin accused Trump of doing his Trump.
President Trump’s fired former aide Sam Nunberg did six wacky TV interviews Monday and vowed never to testify for the special counsel’s grand jury in the Russia probe. He appeared high on booze and meds. If history is any guide, the Cleveland Browns will select him their first draft pick.

The United Nations released a report revealing there are 40 million people who are slaves in several countries around the world. The leaders of these slave-owning countries can be sure of one consequence. They may never pay for this sin, but their statues are going to be mighty sorry some day.
Science Daily reports that the federal assistance program that provides EBT cards for grocery shopping for the poor does not fund enough money for a vegetarian diet. What you decide to eat is about as personal as it gets. I am a second-hand vegetarian, in that I eat cows and cows eat grass.

Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at

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