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Humor: Zuckerberg's role in history is safe

God bless everyone...

POSTED: April 12, 2018 6:30 p.m.
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Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country.

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HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

Buckingham Palace announced Tuesday neither President Trump nor President Obama will be invited to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s marriage ceremony in May. It’s the price that the U.S. pays for being a Republic. Shaming Mark Zuckerberg in front of Congress is our Royal Wedding.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg was grilled for hours by the Senate Commerce Committee Tuesday over the data-gathering practices of Facebook. His place in American history is secured. More than anybody else, Mark Zuckerberg has revolutionized the way we avoid work in this country.

China’s President Xi gave in to pressure from Trump Tuesday and agreed to open up China’s market to U.S. products and cut tariffs on U.S. cars and respect intellectual property rights. However no sky is without a few clouds. The Mueller probe just expanded to Trump tearing the tags off mattresses.

The White House refused to say Tuesday if President Trump is going to fire Robert Mueller for ordering the FBI raid on Trump’s lawyer’s office. It’s an unprecedented move. It’s believed to be the most trouble any prosecutor’s ever gone to to get his hands on a Stormy Daniels blow-up doll.

President Trump launched an attack on Special Counsel Robert Mueller Tuesday, calling his Russia probe a witch hunt. Mueller’s decision to order the FBI raid on the president’s private lawyer’s office had an immediate effect on the nation. Today everyone on Facebook has a law degree.

Harvard Law School professor Alan Dershowitz told Sean Hannity Monday he thinks Robert Mueller’s FBI raid on Trump’s private lawyer’s office was a breach of attorney-client privilege. Both sides have taken off the gloves now. If Trump were Catholic, Mueller would arrest his confessor.

London’s Mayor Saddiq Khan sent 300 extra police into the streets Sunday to crack down and arrest anyone who’s carrying a knife. Knife attacks have been rampant in immigrant neighborhoods. It proves if you don’t control your borders, you end up having to control your cutlery.

President Trump canceled his trip to Colombia for hemispheric talks to focus on U.S. response to Assad’s chemical attack in Syria. Trump clearly faces a two-front war. The attacks caused bloodshot eyes, sleeplessness and delirious ranting, that’s just Colombia’s chemical attacks on the U.S.

President Trump elected to send Mike Pence to South America in his place this weekend due to the crisis in Syria. The sudden change of plans prompted a lot of false press conjecture. The president did NOT cancel his trip to South America because he’s planning an attack on the Amazon.

Bill Cosby’s trial began in Philadelphia Monday as the comedian’s blindness caused him to be led into court by his arm. As he entered, a woman protestor ran up and flashed her breasts to him. The way Cosby looked her up and down could get her breasts two lines in the next New Testament version.

China’s President Xi announced Tuesday in addition to opening new markets China will respect intellectual property rights worldwide. We could be a little better at that ourselves. Facebook has gathered up private data on two billion people without paying a dime in royalties to the Gestapo Trust.

North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un met with his generals to lay out his vision for his meeting with President Trump. Everyone in D.C. is on edge. While both Republicans and Democrats say he’s insane and has no business with nuclear weapons, the Republicans are referring to Kim Jung Un.

E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.

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