The following information is “for guys only,” so if any women out there dare to read this, use extreme caution!
I would like to pass on some thoughts geared mostly to married men and those who would like to be. Many couples desire a close-knit relationship and virtually every couple starts off their marriage with grand plans for happiness. Sounds great, doesn’t it? It’s what we hope for, right?
And then, the other potent fact is that many marriages are prone to end in divorce or with two people with the best of intentions merely living together in a house instead of a home and just getting by. We all look puzzled, guys, when we hear about a couple’s relationship going on the rocks that we thought was solid. Many of us then think about our spouse and whether we admit or not, we evaluate our relationship amidst the bad news and our own expectations.
Perhaps we find ourselves not to blame, with the demands of everyday life and all. Of course, it couldn’t be anything to do with our habits, behaviors and needs, right?
Let’s take a look at some real manly subjects and possibilities. In the Old Testament book of Song of Solomon, we find a king, who is in the family tree of Jesus, writing a poem, a “song of songs” to the love of his life. This masterpiece is a lasting tribute of two married lovers. To many of faith, this 22nd book of the Old Testament is a guide to true love that has lasted 2,900-plus years.
The question of why this poem is in the Scriptures has occupied believers for centuries. Many have accepted this work as an allegory between God and Israel or Christ and the church. The poem is cast in the language of agriculture and nature, but when we bring its meaning and interpretation into today, it still spells out an ethic that makes relationships work and happiness prevail. This book is not the only guide in the Scriptures to address the values of love. Most of us are familiar with “The Love Chapter” of 1 Corinthians 13, but we also need to remember Ephesians 5:25-33 that discusses the love men should show to their wives.
I have been told that “marriage is an irrevocable commitment of unconditional love toward an imperfect person.” The Scripture interprets marriage as “a call to the long-term work of loving your partner for your mutual growth and benefit.” Whatever your definition of your marriage is, know this: The most important of all the words spoken in affection and committed to in your covenant with God at the altar is “honor.” Since marriage is a covenant and not merely a contract, we need to step up and really lead our wives and families in positive ways that will produce great benefits to our lives.
Many “macho” guys may not agree, but stepping up means being not only strong but humble in your relationship. Humility is the cornerstone of leadership, guys!
You also can show your strength by being sacrificial, more sensitive and showing your love for your wife intentionally. It takes a really big man to try and follow the path of righteousness in his marriage. Remember: Your giving of these things is what you most likely wish to receive from her.
Try them and be patient. God’s word says that “the more you give, the more you will benefit.” It’s not always easy, but be smart, savvy and strong, and above all, be patient. It doesn’t mean you always do what your wife wants, don’t have a life of your own or make her dependent on you!
Remember, no matter how many “mis-steaks” you’ve made in the past, play it forward and show the leadership potential, get the respect, admiration and sweet things you deserve by following King Solomon’s song … and don’t forget the flowers, candy and dinner!
On behalf of your Stephen Ministry team, have a great Valentine’s Day, and fall in love all over again with your honey!

Scherer is a crisis intervention minister and the leader of the local Stephen Ministry.