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The guy who shattered my future spouse list
I thought I knew what I wanted, until he came along - photo by Alyssa White
As a teenage girl, I dreamt about the kind of guy I wanted to marry. I pictured my love story happening just as my parents had. My dad walked into a college class, saw my mom, and knew he wanted to marry her. Boom. They were married several months later. I was sure this would happen to me too, and I loved envisioning the man I wanted to marry.

That man was tall and muscular with dark hair, dazzling blue eyes, and a pearly-white smile. He was the high school quarterback and point guard. He sang in the drama production (thanks Zac Efron) and aced his homework. He could fix cars and build houses. He was charming, well-mannered, and smart. He was successful and wealthy. He was perfect.

I went through life imagining this guy and waiting for him to show up.

But then something happened.

One evening I was sitting on a wall talking to my best friend, a guy I had every class with. We hung out almost every night, but this night was different. We talked about our serious life questions. He looked me in the eye like no one ever has before, as if he really cared what I had to say.

And in that moment, a scary realization struck me I liked him. A lot. And he liked me too.

And in that moment my entire future spouse list fell to pieces.

Because this guy was not the perfect guy, but somehow he was everything I didnt know I wanted.

He wasnt an athlete. He was never the star quarterback or the musical hotshot. He was loud and opinionated and obnoxious. He didnt look like my perfect guy either. He was blonde-ish and taller than me, but not that tall. I had never really looked at my friend until that night, and suddenly he was perfectly attractive.

Although I had never considered a relationship, I loved our friendship. We valued the same things. Religion was a priority and family always came first.

I also loved who I was when I was with him. I didnt have to be the perfect girl. He saw me at my worst when I had the flu, when I was stubborn and opinionated, when I cried about my own insecurities but he still liked me.

Throughout our relationship this best friend of mine taught me something hugely important: there are so many things that dont matter when seeking a future spouse. Hair color, musicality, athleticism, height, food preferences, wealth, and popularity it really doesnt matter.

This friend of mine changed my future spouse list to include only two things:

  1. Have the same goals and priorities, and
  2. Enjoy being around each other; to be genuine friends
Those are the only things that really matter to me now.

I fell in love with a guy I never, EVER thought I would. He completely defied my list, but I saw in him things that mattered most to me.

I now look at people differently. I give people a chance. I havent lowered my standards, and I will never settle, but my priorities are different. So many things dont matter anymore.

The perfect guy doesnt exist and never will. It's okay though because the perfect me doesn't exist either.

When you focus on the things that matter most, everything else will fall into place. You will find someone perfect for you.
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