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Hillarys excuse for losing election
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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Fox News cleared host Jesse Watters of sex harassment after he left his wife for an affair with a Fox co-worker. Many say there’s a generational divide over what is appropriate and what’s not. I took a sexual harassment course this past weekend, and I think I’m going to be really good at it.
President Trump fired FBI deputy director Andrew McCabe on urging of the FBI ethics panel Sunday. He’s a Hillary supporter who told FBI agents to leak to the media and lied about it. For her part, Hillary was in India telling brown men that white men caused her to lose to the orange man.

The Census Bureau cited millennial men for putting off getting married and starting a home and a family. It’s a whole new world. A recent poll says 90 percent of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house, while the rest kiss the house goodbye when they leave their wife.
HBO’s Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon announced she will run for governor of New York against the incumbent Democratic Governor Andrew Cuomo. Hold on, you don’t get to run for governor of New York just because you were on TV. You have to have a father who was the governor.
O.J. Simpson talked to the Buffalo News about NFL football Saturday. He said Colin Kaepernick and the players made a mistake alienating fans by protesting the national anthem. What does it say about the NFL Players Association when the world’s most famous criminal is the voice of reason?
The Hollywood Reporter reports John Dailey, the president of the Academy of Motion Pictures, who puts on the Oscars ceremony every year in L.A., is under investigation for workplace sexual harassment. And who’s surprised? Look, you either represent the entertainment industry or you don’t.

Russian president Vladimir Putin addressed reporters Monday and said he believed that the U.S. and British accusations against him for poisoning enemies led to his landslide election victory. On Saturday, Putin was re-elected with 75 percent of the vote. A lot of leaders would kill for that.
Kathy Griffin sold out Carnegie Hall this Friday night. A year ago she angered both parties by posting a photo of herself holding up a mock head of a decapitated Trump. Republicans are angry at her for disrespecting the president while Democrats are mad at her because it wasn’t real.
Jim Carrey posted a portrait of Trump as the Wicked Witch of the West, and Kathy Griffin and her severed Trump head sold out Carnegie Hall. It’s not going according to plan. Hollywood has so affected U.S. culture that when Trump’s affair with a porn star broke, his approval rating went up six points.

President Trump’s campaign was accused of data-mining Facebook personality profiles to help target voters in 2016. FB is a haven for narcissists. I was going to spend six years studying medicine to become a doctor, but then I realized if I want to save lives I can just press Like on Facebook photos.
President Trump gave a speech in New Hampshire Monday and called for the death penalty for drug dealers. He’d just fired an FBI deputy director and blasted special counsel Bob Mueller. The Trump doctrine states that God is watching over all of us, so the least we can be is entertaining.
President Trump is reportedly on a diet and exercise regimen intended to improve his health and stamina. Last month he admitted to watching eight hours of TV a day and drinking 23 Diet Cokes. Eye doctors say that’s too much television and Charlie Sheen says that’s too much coke.
Nancy Pelosi said she’s unconcerned by centrist Democrats getting elected who vow to oppose her rule over the House caucus. The socialists appear to be in decline. The economy is so bad in Venezuela that when you throw a bone to a dog on the street, the dog has to signal for a fair catch.

Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at

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