If emails were money and worth, say, $1 a pop, I’d be in Aruba right now sipping a cold one and listening to John Coltrane.
But, alas, they’re not money. They’re mostly, well, they’re mostly stuff like the following.
From a Georgia Peanut Commission press release sent out Friday:
"The Georgia Peanut Commission applauds the efforts today of the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Agricultural Marketing Service final rule (7 CFR Part 996) published in the Federal Register to revise the minimum quality and handling standards for domestic and imported peanuts marketed in the United States. This rule implements a recommendation from the Peanut Standards Board to raise the grading score used to classify farmer stock peanuts as Segregation 2 from 2.49 percent to 3.49 percent."
A little later, it says this:
"The revisions are necessary due to the changes made in the 2002 Farm Bill’s peanut provisions. There were significant changes made in moving from the old quota program to the current peanut program but the definitions of Segregation 1, Segregation 2 and Segregation 3 for farmer stock peanuts were not changed. However, the definition for what farmer stock peanuts could be used in the domestic edible channel was changed."
I’m sure all that makes perfect sense to someone. I’m just not sure if that should worry me or not.
Onward to another email sent out Friday, from Mackenzie at chicexecs.com:
"Hi Jeff, I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to follow up and see if you are working on any holiday or fashion stories? As the holidays approach, you know what that means….holiday parties! Make sure your outfit is complete with beautiful, elegant pieces from Cate & Chloe! A simple, versatile accessory will go a long way to class up your outfit. Let me know if you’re interested in a sample! --Mackenzie :)."
Thanks, Mackenzie. My wife said I fell of the fashion train about 10 years ago, but if I get back on and need a simple, versatile accessory to class up my outfit, I’ll let you know. :)
Then there’s an email I got this week from this sweetheart, who regularly sends these sort of "blasts" to editors everywhere, me included:
"WHEN THE COMMUNIST GOALS ARE MET IN AMERICAS DEFEAT WITH HELP FROM ANTIFA/COMMUNISTS/SOCIALISTS/MARXISTS/LIBERAL PROGRESSIVES/BLM/BAMN/DEMOCRATS>>>AND OTHER LIBERAL HELP GROUPS AIDED BY SORO’S MONEY ETC.>>>>>>>>>JUST REMEMBER THIS>>>>NO AMERICA====DEATH>>>>>>>STALIN SAID OF HIS USEFUL IDIOTS HELP THAT IN THE END>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THE LIBERAL GETS A BULLET>>>>>>>>DO YOU THINK THAT COMMUNISM/SOCIALISM WILL REWARD YOU?>>THEY KNOW THAT IF THEY ALLOW YOU LIBERAL REVOLUTIONARIES TO STAY ALIVE YOU WILL BE TRAITORS TO THEM AS YOU ARE TO AMERICA NOW>>>>>>>>DEMOCRATS>>>YOU ARE BEING USED>>BLACK FOLKS/ASIAN ETC>>YOU ARE BEING USED>>>>>DEATH AT THE END OF A GUN BARREL===MAO >>>>>RESEARCH YOU REVOLUTIONARIES>>>YOU WILL DIE ALONG WITH EVERY PERSON IN AMERICA>>>>JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU>>>>WE WILL FIGHT YOU WITHIN & YOU WILL BE DEFEATED.>>>>ROMANS 1: 28 to 32 THINK TWICE NOVEMBER 4 th ers. GOD GUIDE YOUR SOUL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>GOD BLESS.>GOD, COUNTRY, GUNS>>>>WITH OUT THESE 3 WE WILL NOT BE FREE.................................................2 TIMOTHY 2: 3 to 7===READ THESE 2 CHAPTERS & VERSE!!!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>OH" ONE MORE THING>>>DEFINITELY NO UNIONS>>>DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What can I say? I get emails about nuts and emails from nuts. And it’s just a part of what makes this country so great.