Editor, Would the person that came in my yard and stole my four-wheeler please bring it back? You see, I am an old woman and can’t walk too far. The four-wheeler is the only way I can get fresh air. I can’t walk; the only way I have to get around was with the four-wheeler.
Please, I beg you to bring it back so I can get some fresh air. You can keep the two cans of gas and the fox traps. Please bring my legs back.
P.S. — Don’t forget, you have to die one day, and you will pay for it. If you don’t remember, you got it from my shed off 196. When you were cutting trees in my backyard, you left footprints in the dirt. The sheriff in Long County has them. If you don’t want to face me, leave it in the yard. Thank you.

— Joan English
Ludowic