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Outlet mall's opening disrupting sports universe
Sports column
Jeff Whitten NEW
Jeff Whitten writes for the Bryan County News. - photo by File photo

I was going to write a sports column this week, but I got stuck in traffic on Interstate 95 in Pooler thanks to the new Tanger Outlets Savannah.
You think I kid? I read somewhere the Tanger Outlets’ grand opening today is expected to cause flight delays at Savannah-Hilton Head International Airport. As in, delays to things that fly, like jets. With people in them. Thousands of feet above Tanger Outlets. And Pooler, for that matter.  
A mall opening in Pooler causing flight delays? You know you’re big-time when you cause planes to be late and you’re not an airline, a pickled pilot or somebody with the Transportation Security Administration.
Or maybe the TSA is all shopping at the J. Crew Factory and Bath and Body Works at Tanger Outlets, getting some candles and loofahs. Maybe the pilots, passengers and everybody else in the free world are, too.
That’s how big this thing is. It’s like the Super Bowl, only for people who like outlet malls. And that’s all of us. We all love bargains, we all love to shop and we all love Pooler.
Fact is, I’m beginning to think the Tanger Outlets could make a convenient excuse for things that need convenient excuses. Especially since traffic is going to be 40 million billion kajillion times worse now than anything we’ve ever known in the history of the known universe that is Chatham County now that Tanger Outlets is open.  
In fact, scientifically speaking, there will be more traffic in that part of Pooler now than there are stars in the universe, or inches in the belt that goes around Chipper Jones’ ego and keeps it from falling down around his ankles and exposing his superman bikini bottoms.
It could even back up traffic all the way to Florida, which might explain why the Gators don’t win any games in the SEC this fall. Especially if they don’t win any games in the SEC this fall.
Braves lose? It’s that new mall in Pooler. Hawks get bumped out in the first round of the NBA playoffs? Tanger Outlets stole their mojo.
I could go on forever, but won’t. I’m stuck in traffic at the Tanger Outlets.

Other stuff
Lou Holtz is calling it a broadcasting career, at least with ESPN. Since I no longer get ESPN, I’m not particularly bothered about this. I do like Holtz, however, and consider him one of South Carolina’s top five football coaches.
Scoff if you want, but he’s right there behind Steve Spurrier and ahead of Joe Morrison. It’s who’re behind Morrison that I have trouble naming. Paul Dietzel? Sparky Woods? Jim Carlen?
The good thing about getting off late at night is listening to the late innings of a Braves game. I miss Skip and Ernie, but Jim Powell and Don Sutton are almost as good.

Website of the day
For me, it’s Ask the Magic 8-Ball — you can go to it at
Put your question in the form of a question (don’t know which genius thought that up, but he’s a genius) and ask away. Here’s what I asked:
Q: Is Mark Richt really from a planet of Ewoks?
A: You may rely on it.
Q: Who’s better looking — me or Tom Brady?
A: Concentrate and ask again.
Q: Who’s better looking — me or Tom Brady?
A: Reply hazy, try again.
Q: Who’s better looking — me or Tom Brady?
A: It is decidedly so.
Q: Will Georgia Southern go to a bowl game this year?
A: You may rely on it.
Q: Will South Carolina win the SEC East this season?
A: Yes, definitely.
I’m quitting while I’m ahead.

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