Thanks to the wonders of inter-league play, the Atlanta Braves (35-31) will be cutting the pine against my Cleveland Indians (38-26) this weekend.
All three of the games will be played in Cleveland (who are 21-8 at home), which is a problem for the Braves because they will most likely win none of them.
Cleveland, who’s number one in the AL Central, has little to worry about since the NL East is a division comprised of invalid players, idiot savant managers and disgruntled groundskeepers.
Speaking about the Braves any longer would be a waste of everyone’s time, so let me digress...
While talking sports with HPD Detective James “The Bulldog” Snider, I started thinking about who a true fan is.
As I pondered, I picked up my bobble head Indians pencil, and I inscribed a list, which separates the true fans from the second hand fans.
The following includes fans of baseball, basketball, football, and I guess, hockey and soccer.
You can automatically be given true fan rites if you were born within the city limits of a pro team, if one of your family members ever played for that team or if you ever saved the life of someone from the team you cheer for.
If you do not fit the aforementioned criteria, you must have lived within a 50-mile radius of the stadium for at least three years, and during that time you must have watched, listened and/or attended at least 25 percent of the games (home or away).
You must own your team’s paraphernalia, and you must know at least 5-15 players (depending on the sport).
If you do not fit these guidelines, I am sorry to say that you are not a true fan.
You are a second hand fan. How can you be a true fan if you live hundreds of miles away, or if you don’t even live in the same state as the team you root for?
To all the second hand fans, do not disillusion yourself by trying to believe you’re a true fan. Perhaps you should become fans of basket weaving or crocheting, which would be perfectly honorable.
However, collegiate sports are different because the school is representative of the state. If you live in Georgia, and you root for UGA, GSU or Georgia Tech, then you’re a true college fan.
Sorry Libercountian Braves fans, but you just didn’t make the cut.

—  Deike is a staff writer for the Coastal Courier. He may be contacted at jdeike@coastalcourier.com