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Visit sheds light on domestic violence
First Lady Sandra Deal's tour includes stop at local women's shelter
1030 Emmons
Tri-County Protective Agency Inc. President Donald Emmons talks to Georgias first lady, Sandra Deal, and Youth ChalleNGe Director Bob Hughes, along with Colin Carpertier, a Youth ChalleNGe cadet commander, during Deals visit to the local shelter for domestic violence victims on Oct. 26. - photo by Randy C.Murray

A small sign on the wall in the kitchen/dining room reads, "Hope," suggesting that hope is one of the many services provided by the Tri-County Protective Agency Inc., an emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence.

The litany of services offered by the shelter, plus its confidential location, make it a virtual sanctuary for the women and children seeking a safe place to stay for a few nights or a few months.

Georgia’s first lady, Sandra Deal, stopped by the shelter Wednesday during a fact-finding tour of five domestic violence shelters in Coastal Georgia. The first lady is the chairwoman of the advisory board for the Governor’s Office for Children and Families. Her visit had special significance because October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

According to the agency’s director, Paula Foerstel, among the list of services the nonprofit agency provides are emergency shelter, food, support sessions, transportation, temporary protective orders, escorts to court, children’s programs and rental assistance. She said her trained staff members are on duty 24 hours a day, seven days a week, including holidays.

"Some residents stay longer than others," Foerstel said. "The average stay is 45-90 days. It depends on what their goal is. We give them one-on-one support, according to their individual needs."

Assistant Director Cheryl Hughes said the shelter, which was built in October 2010, replaced a much older two-home complex on the same site. The new shelter has all the appearances of a normal home. Residents even share household duties to lower costs, she said.

She added that because of its secluded, secret location, there have been few incidences at the shelter. If a husband or boyfriend inadvertently shows up at the door, she said the staff will not let him in, and if he will not leave, they call the sheriff’s office. She said a deputy is usually there within minutes of the call. In at least one incident, she said, the husband was arrested for violating a restraining order.

"This is nice," the first lady said of her first impression of the home as she was guided from room to room. "I know y’all are very proud."

Deal was shown a memorial table with pictures of women and children with a connection to the shelter who were murdered outside the shelter. The first lady was visibly moved by the story of a child who was murdered by his stepfather, who also murdered his mother and sister. Foerstel explained the connection each woman and child had had with the shelter and added that the children’s programs were intended to help the children to understand that violence is not simply a way of life.

"You’ve got to stop the violence early so maybe the children won’t grow up to be violent," Deal agreed.

The first lady said her tour not only included the domestic violence shelters but also an after-school program in one community and a visit to an elementary school in Milledgeville. It was a busy schedule, Deal admitted, but she said she had to use time wisely.

The first lady said she wanted to convey to women and children caught up in domestic violence situations that there is help out there. She also said she wanted to bring attention to the problem of domestic violence in Georgia.

The first lady emphasized that even though there is very little extra money to assist shelters like the Tri-County Protective Agency, support and assistance from community and church leaders can and has made a difference. She noted, for example, the need for a fence and security cameras at the Tri-County shelter and said she was willing to "shine a little light" on that need and maybe get something done about it.

The Tri-County Protective Agency shelter provides support for domestic violence victims in five counties, not three: Liberty, Long, Bryan, Evans and Tattnall counties.

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From the book 'Outliers' comes proof that good health is more than just genetics
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Friends Jim Young, left, Mike Natale, Jeff Natale and Ryan Kiernan were on Greenwich High School football team together and Jim and Mike were captains. Jim, who was the youngest in Sherry Young's family, was welcome in the homes of the other three boys who still had siblings around and grandparents near. - photo by Sherry Young
As I look back on my life and the lives of others, both personally and in the reading I have done, I am convinced of the necessity of positive human contact in our lives. We are doubly blessed when we are able to make good friends or are a part of a family where we are accepted and loved.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers tells of a time in the 1950s when Dr. Stewart Wolf met a physician who practiced in the area of Roseto, Pennsylvania. Roseto was settled by a group of Italian families from Roseto, Italy, who re-created their life again in America.

This was in the 1950s before drugs and measures to prevent heart disease became important. In their conversation the physician said, You know, Ive been practicing for 17 years. I get patients from all over, and I rarely find anyone from Roseto under the age of 65 with heart disease.

Wolf was surprised by these words as, It was impossible to be a doctor, common sense said, and not see heart disease.

Wolf enlisted the aid of a sociologist and friend John Bruhn to help him. They found, There was no suicide, no alcoholism, no drug addiction, and very little crime. They didnt have anyone on welfare. Then we looked at peptic ulcers. They didnt have any of those either. These people were dying of old age. Thats it.

They checked into diet, genetics and possibilities of something in the foothills of eastern Pennsylvania but nothing made sense.

What they found was that Rosetans visited one another, stopping to chat in Italian on the street, say, or cooking for one another in their backyards. (Researchers) learned about the extended family clans that underlay the towns social structure. They saw how many homes had three generations living under one roof and how much respect grandparents commanded. They went to Mass at Our Lady of Mount Carmel and saw the unifying and calming effect of the church. They counted 22 separate civic organizations in a town of just under 2,000 people. They picked up on the particular egalitarian ethos of the community, which discouraged the wealthy from flaunting their success and helped the unsuccessful obscure their failures.

What they found eventually convinced the medical establishment to look beyond the individual and understand the culture people are part of their friends, families and town they came from. They determined that the people we surround ourselves with and the values of the world we inhabit have a profound effect on who we are.

Likely, this study could have been done with other ethnicities. However, my family's experiences with the Italian families in Connecticut ring true to the study. Our hungry and growing sons, especially our youngest son, Jim, who was left home alone with two beady-eyed parents, all had some memorable experiences being fed and loved in the Cos Cob multigenerational families. Proof of the African proverb, It takes a village to raise a child.

We live in an age when the contact we have with people often is on the internet, and many of us live among strangers. Unless we make the effort to reach out, we will become isolated, especially as we age. The Rosetan study is proof that reaching out and communicating may be good for our health.
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