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5 mistakes that will deeply scar your marriage
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Mistakes happen and marriage can be messy. But these five mistakes are especially hard to recover from. - photo by Kayla Lemmon
When I first got married four years ago, an activity at my bridal shower included a clear shower curtain hanging on the wall where the girls could write advice to me and my fianc in marker. I remember reading the curtain over and over during the first few months of our marriage when I had it on the shower curtain rod for a while.

The advice was cute, like "fight naked" and "Tell him he has a cute butt every day." And while the little bits of advice proved to be healthy tidbits to our marriage, I quickly learned some especially important pieces of advice were missing from that shower curtain.

These are 5 things that can easily creep in and leave lasting scars:

1. Mentioning divorce

Crazy things can come out of all our mouths when we're angry. And although we regret it, a lot of things that are said can't be taken back simply because they cut so deep and will always be remembered. Mentioning divorce is one of those things.

Mentioning divorce, or leaving, will cause insecurity in your partner that will last for a really long time. Before you speak during an argument, take a breath and wait a while before making any quick statements or decisions.

2. Reminding him or her of past mistakes

Your spouse is the one person in the world that you eventually have ALL the dirt on. You know past relationships, past mistakes, and the things that have happened to him or her that have caused deep pain, regret, or issues. Safeguard that information. Don't use it against your spouse in an argument or to "bite back" when you feel offended or attacked. Mentioning past "offenses" will make your spouse feel like you look down on them and judge them for the things they entrusted you with.

3. Placing blame

It's easy to do. You never take the trash out! You always expect me to know what you're thinking! You are way too sensitive! You don't do anything around the house!

Sound familiar? All of these nagging, biting, callous phrases don't convey love to your spouse, instead it tells them you don't appreciate them, they aren't who you want them to be, and you're unsatisfied with who they are. There are so many other ways to communicate issues without placing blame upon the one you love the most and causing them to feel bad about themselves.

4. Confiding in other people

Do you tell your mom about all of your fights? Is there a co-worker you dish to? Whether you realize it or not, telling others about your fights or your issues will cause deep pain and scarring to your marriage, cause trust issues, and make the relationships between your spouse and your family and friends strained and unpleasant. It's good to have a circle of people you can talk to, but your marriage is the most sacred relationship you'll have, and you have to protect it.

Deeply confiding in others of the opposite sex can also lead to emotional affairs that take you away from the love and support of your spouse.

5. Unrealistic expectations

We don't live in a Nicholas Sparks novel, although the hopeless romantic in many of us would like to. After the wedding festivities end, and the dress is put away, life kicks in, and although there is so much joy and so many things to look forward to-- it also takes work.

The movies and the books don't talk about the morning breath, the health issues that arise, the fights over kids, the way he puts his dirty clothes beside the laundry basket rather than in it. Don't judge your spouse according to the unrealistic expectations that Hollywood paints, and don't let the little mistakes and bumps in the road convince you it's not meant to be. Because like it's been said many times before, once you choose your love-- it's all about deciding to love your choice every single day.
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New Medicare cards are in the mail and scammers are on the prowl
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The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has begun mailing new Medicare Health Insurance ID cards. The program no longer uses Social Security numbers to identify people. - photo by Lois M Collins
The federal government is beginning to send out new ID cards to the 58 million Americans who benefit from Medicare. But since many of the people who will receive them don't know they're coming or why, scammers are already gearing up to take advantage.

An AARP survey shows as many as three-fourths of Americans 65 and older have no idea the cards are coming, so some individuals may be duped with claims that they're supposed to pay a fee or provide personal information that will be used, instead, to defraud them.

The new cards are the first reissue in years, and the most striking part of the redesign is that the cards no longer carry the beneficiary's Social Security number. Congress mandated the removal of that number as an identifier for Medicare beneficiaries by next April. Instead, the card has a Medicare Beneficiary Identifier number, an 11-digit combination of numbers and letters.

The new Medicare cards are now being mailed out in batches, starting with the Eastern seaboard and moving west. Most Medicare beneficiaries will receive their cards over the next six months, as long as the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has their correct mailing address. Once the cards are in hand, people can share the new identification number with their health care providers. During a transition period, either card is valid.

The old cards, which used Social Security numbers as the personal identification number, should be destroyed.

AARP recently launched an education campaign to warn consumers about scams related to the new Medicare cards.

The membership organization's "Fraud Watch" consultant, Frank Abagnale reformed con man, scammer and the subject of the movie and book "Catch Me If You Can" tells senior citizens the only time they need to carry the actual Medicare card is to health care appointments. Otherwise, it should be left in a safe place. If they want to carry one in their wallet or purse, he says, make a copy and black out the first seven numbers.

Since the cards were announced, scammers have already:

  • Called seniors and asked for their bank account information so that money on their old card could be returned. There is no money on the old card and CMS never asks for personal information over the phone.
  • Offered to send the new card after Medicare beneficiaries pay a $25 fee to cover expenses related to the card. The card is free.
  • Said the card will be mailed out as soon as the older person verifies his or her Social Security number, mailing address and other personal information. CMS already knows the beneficiary's Social Security number and it's no longer being used in conjunction with health care.
AARP and the Federal Trade Commission will hold a free online seminar about the cards and the fraud attempts they have spawned on Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. EDT. Register at: www.aarp.org/FraudWebinar. CMS also offers a "frequently asked questions" guide to the new cards.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network says consumers can sign up for its Watchdog Alert emails that deliver breaking scam information, or call a free helpline at 877-908-3360 to speak with volunteers trained in fraud counseling. Abagnale also hosts a weekly podcast for AARP, called The Perfect Scam.
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