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7 things you should never tolerate in your marriage
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When you get married, you commit to deal; but there are just some things spouses should not put up with. - photo by Katelyn Carmen
By saying, "I do," you commit to a lifetime of forgiving and forgetting, but there are a few actions you should never accept or permit in your marriage. Love isn't always unconditional. If your spouse is behaving in any of these ways, please seek help:

1. Disgust

John Gottman, a foremost expert in the field of marriage and family studies, can predict whether or not a couple will get divorced with 91 percent accuracy. As he observes couples, one of the main communication errors he looks for is contempt. "Contempt" includes "sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor." It is essentially reacting with disgust toward your partner. When you show contempt toward your spouse, problems don't get resolved, and it destroys your husband's or wife's self-esteem.

2. Sexually explicit media

Pornography powerfully impacts people's lives and relationships. In fact, scientists found that pornography literally changes your brain. In regards to love and sex, Fight the New Drug explains, "In one of the most comprehensive studies on porn use ever conducted, researchers found that after being exposed to softcore sexual material, both men and women were significantly less happy with their partners looks, willingness to try new sex acts, and sexual performance. Even being exposed to porn just once can make people feel less in love with their significant other."

3. Last place

Illness, children and careers often take priority, but spouses shouldn't always come in last place. If your spouse is consistently paying attention to everyone and everything but you, that is a problem. Partner neglect is a real thing, and it is a silent relationship killer. Our site often gets emails from people who feel abandoned by their husbands or wives. Their stories are heartbreaking. Spouses need to make sure that each other's needs are being met.

4. Vices

A "vice" includes any immoral conduct. Does your partner lie? Cheat? Steal? Does he or she break the law? Your spouse's misconduct not only affects their life; it affects your life as well. If your spouse gets sued, goes to jail or goes bankrupt for his or her actions, it is going to follow you wherever you go.

5. Rage

There is a huge difference between anger and rage. Couples are obviously going to get mad or annoyed at each other from time to time. But rage is completely different and much more intense. If your spouse lashes out in uncontrollable hatred and fury, that is neither normal nor healthy.

Lynne Namka, an anger psychologist, warns, "Do not be foolish enough to think you can change another person's anger patterns. After all, he has had many years to practice them before meeting you. Anger coping patterns lie deep within the psyche and do not change unless the person makes a strong commitment to become a better person."

6. Cheating

Infidelity is never acceptable. A strong, healthy marriage requires complete faithfulness. Authors Joy and Gary Lundberg explain in their article, "10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse and don't even know it," that cheating includes flirting with co-workers, confiding to someone of the opposite gender, talking negatively about your spouse, spending time alone with someone of the opposite gender, dressing to attract someone other than your spouse, and withholding sex as punishment.

7. Hitting

Physical, verbal and emotional abuse are never acceptable in a marriage. If your spouse hits, punches, degrades or humiliates you, get help. Even if you are married, you should never be forced to have sex against your will.

Severe physical violence is probably more prominent than you think. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "Nearly 1 in 4 women (22.3 percent) and 1 in 7 men (14.0 percent) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime." If you aren't having a problem, there is a good chance that someone around you is.

If you are at risk, or you know someone who is, there are organizations out there, like the National Domestic Violence Hotline, who are ready and willing to help.

If you are experiencing any of these problems, don't give up hope -- but get help immediately. Find a counselor or spiritual leader that you can talk to and make the necessary steps to save your marriage or find an escape to leave a harmful situation.
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New Medicare cards are in the mail and scammers are on the prowl
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The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has begun mailing new Medicare Health Insurance ID cards. The program no longer uses Social Security numbers to identify people. - photo by Lois M Collins
The federal government is beginning to send out new ID cards to the 58 million Americans who benefit from Medicare. But since many of the people who will receive them don't know they're coming or why, scammers are already gearing up to take advantage.

An AARP survey shows as many as three-fourths of Americans 65 and older have no idea the cards are coming, so some individuals may be duped with claims that they're supposed to pay a fee or provide personal information that will be used, instead, to defraud them.

The new cards are the first reissue in years, and the most striking part of the redesign is that the cards no longer carry the beneficiary's Social Security number. Congress mandated the removal of that number as an identifier for Medicare beneficiaries by next April. Instead, the card has a Medicare Beneficiary Identifier number, an 11-digit combination of numbers and letters.

The new Medicare cards are now being mailed out in batches, starting with the Eastern seaboard and moving west. Most Medicare beneficiaries will receive their cards over the next six months, as long as the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has their correct mailing address. Once the cards are in hand, people can share the new identification number with their health care providers. During a transition period, either card is valid.

The old cards, which used Social Security numbers as the personal identification number, should be destroyed.

AARP recently launched an education campaign to warn consumers about scams related to the new Medicare cards.

The membership organization's "Fraud Watch" consultant, Frank Abagnale reformed con man, scammer and the subject of the movie and book "Catch Me If You Can" tells senior citizens the only time they need to carry the actual Medicare card is to health care appointments. Otherwise, it should be left in a safe place. If they want to carry one in their wallet or purse, he says, make a copy and black out the first seven numbers.

Since the cards were announced, scammers have already:

  • Called seniors and asked for their bank account information so that money on their old card could be returned. There is no money on the old card and CMS never asks for personal information over the phone.
  • Offered to send the new card after Medicare beneficiaries pay a $25 fee to cover expenses related to the card. The card is free.
  • Said the card will be mailed out as soon as the older person verifies his or her Social Security number, mailing address and other personal information. CMS already knows the beneficiary's Social Security number and it's no longer being used in conjunction with health care.
AARP and the Federal Trade Commission will hold a free online seminar about the cards and the fraud attempts they have spawned on Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. EDT. Register at: www.aarp.org/FraudWebinar. CMS also offers a "frequently asked questions" guide to the new cards.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network says consumers can sign up for its Watchdog Alert emails that deliver breaking scam information, or call a free helpline at 877-908-3360 to speak with volunteers trained in fraud counseling. Abagnale also hosts a weekly podcast for AARP, called The Perfect Scam.
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