By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
8 things you should never say to stay-at-home moms
7d7757160a08bea1eaaf20c43d4111dc50dd465fde5afcc404bbdcf0573b1d94
You may unknowingly be demeaning stay-at-home moms by saying these 8 things. - photo by Melinda Fox
When I was 10, my friend's mom wanted to leave her daughter at my house every day after school. To me, that sounded like an alright idea. I mean, I'd get to play with my friend every day. But the whole thing upset my mom. She felt like this mother thought since she didn't work at a classic 9-5 job, she could easily take on the responsibility of taking care of someone else's kid. It was the first time I realized that people didn't understand the life of full-time moms.

I don't think people mean to be inconsiderate when they say certain things to moms who work at home. They just misunderstand what life is like for these women. So here are eight things you should avoid saying to stay-at-home moms.

Why did you get a college degree if you knew you wanted to be a stay-at-home mom?

The education and experience that accompany a college degree help mothers be the best mom they can be. Furthermore, her college education has helped her to be a well-rounded and educated human being, fulfilling the desire most people have to improve themselves.

There is also no way to predict the future. Due to job loss, injury, or even death, she may have to become a provider for the family. She also may later decide to pursue her career after her children have left home.

If your kids are in school, why don't you get a real job?

First of all, what's not real about the job of being a mom? It's work.

Second, school runs from about eight to three, and most jobs are from nine to five. This means there's a gap of time after school to account for, as well as the task of getting the kids to school and all the chores that she completes while they're in school. In many ways, even though her kids are in school, it may still be impractical for her to work at a 'real job.'

Do you feel like you're in the 1950s?

Being a stay-at-home mom is not some kind of pre-feminist movement phenomenon. In fact, many stay-at-home moms are very feminist. One of the great things about the feminist movement is that it allows women to make lifestyle choices for themselves. Many women use that choice to choose to be a stay-at-home mom.

What do you do with all that free time?

What free time? Being a stay-at-home mother happens to be a 24-hour, 7 days a week gig. She's teaching and caring for her kids, helping out in the community, doing household chores, and maybe even working on her professional career. She's lucky if she gets a 2 minute bathroom break without someone knocking on the door or pulling all the pots and pans out of the drawer.

It must be awesome just stay at home and do nothing all day!

See: "What do you do with all that free time?"

Since you dont work, would you mind running the bookfair from 8-6?

See: "It must be awesome to just stay at home and do nothing all day!"

Your husband must do really well if you can afford to do that.

It's more like they can't afford not to. The cost of daycare is astronomical, but more importantly, most stay-at-home moms believe that they can't afford to miss the opportunity of raising their kids themselves.

So, you're just a mom?

Yep. She's just a mom. And a doctor, a therapist, a lifeguard, a baker, a teacher, a chauffer, an entertainer, a handy-woman, a life coach, an accountant, a nutristionist...

So be careful about what you say to stay-at-home mothers. Their hard work often goes unappreciated, so your questions and comments may unintentionally make them feel degraded. Next time you feel inclined to say one of these things, try saying, "It's excellent that you can make that work, I hope your kids know they're lucky to have you."
Sign up for our e-newsletters
New Medicare cards are in the mail and scammers are on the prowl
15a28f62e4e53fcceb32746533cbdfdf48abb7c7d42a28dbb1aeb1083721f23b
The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has begun mailing new Medicare Health Insurance ID cards. The program no longer uses Social Security numbers to identify people. - photo by Lois M Collins
The federal government is beginning to send out new ID cards to the 58 million Americans who benefit from Medicare. But since many of the people who will receive them don't know they're coming or why, scammers are already gearing up to take advantage.

An AARP survey shows as many as three-fourths of Americans 65 and older have no idea the cards are coming, so some individuals may be duped with claims that they're supposed to pay a fee or provide personal information that will be used, instead, to defraud them.

The new cards are the first reissue in years, and the most striking part of the redesign is that the cards no longer carry the beneficiary's Social Security number. Congress mandated the removal of that number as an identifier for Medicare beneficiaries by next April. Instead, the card has a Medicare Beneficiary Identifier number, an 11-digit combination of numbers and letters.

The new Medicare cards are now being mailed out in batches, starting with the Eastern seaboard and moving west. Most Medicare beneficiaries will receive their cards over the next six months, as long as the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has their correct mailing address. Once the cards are in hand, people can share the new identification number with their health care providers. During a transition period, either card is valid.

The old cards, which used Social Security numbers as the personal identification number, should be destroyed.

AARP recently launched an education campaign to warn consumers about scams related to the new Medicare cards.

The membership organization's "Fraud Watch" consultant, Frank Abagnale reformed con man, scammer and the subject of the movie and book "Catch Me If You Can" tells senior citizens the only time they need to carry the actual Medicare card is to health care appointments. Otherwise, it should be left in a safe place. If they want to carry one in their wallet or purse, he says, make a copy and black out the first seven numbers.

Since the cards were announced, scammers have already:

  • Called seniors and asked for their bank account information so that money on their old card could be returned. There is no money on the old card and CMS never asks for personal information over the phone.
  • Offered to send the new card after Medicare beneficiaries pay a $25 fee to cover expenses related to the card. The card is free.
  • Said the card will be mailed out as soon as the older person verifies his or her Social Security number, mailing address and other personal information. CMS already knows the beneficiary's Social Security number and it's no longer being used in conjunction with health care.
AARP and the Federal Trade Commission will hold a free online seminar about the cards and the fraud attempts they have spawned on Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. EDT. Register at: www.aarp.org/FraudWebinar. CMS also offers a "frequently asked questions" guide to the new cards.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network says consumers can sign up for its Watchdog Alert emails that deliver breaking scam information, or call a free helpline at 877-908-3360 to speak with volunteers trained in fraud counseling. Abagnale also hosts a weekly podcast for AARP, called The Perfect Scam.
Latest Obituaries