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Ask Angela: Engaged but not getting married anytime soon
A woman who is engaged but doesn't have a date set asks Angela how to respond to people asking about it. - photo by Angela Trusty
Dear Angela,

Im happily engaged to my fianc but we dont plan on getting married anytime soon. Were both broke college sophomores with hectic schedules and some pretty serious academic ambitions theres just no room for planning a wedding! Still, it was important for us to commit to each other and get engaged. Im writing you because while were fine with this, no one else seems to be and Im getting tired of the rude questions. The when are you getting married? and Wow, why such a long ways off? are not things you should say to a newly engaged couple! Just say Congrats and keep it moving. Whats a good way to respond when I feel under attack about a choice that isnt anyone elses business?

My Choice

Dear My Choice,

When you get those questions, say quite frankly and honestly, Because it works for us. Maybe youve needed to talk this through with family members and/or religious leaders, but for the everyday person who is just making conversation, they dont need full details of your business.

Second, before you respond, adopt the attitude that whoever these people are they have good intentions. Even if emotionally it doesnt feel that way, having that attitude will take the sting off of whatever youre feeling.

One last thing, do some self-reflection to make sure these questions arent hitting a deeper nerve. If youre good with the timing of your marriage, who cares what people say/ask? If youre not, then, yes, it makes sense that those questions would bother you. Search your feelings, and if there's something there, talk with the people you love again, not a conversation you need to have with strangers.

Now, congrats on the engagement and let us know how things go.



Readers: How do you respond when people ask you questions that make you uncomfortable? What advice would you give this bride to be?
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