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Coach Kim: 10 ways to put the past behind you
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"My life has been hard and Ive made mistakes, I have a hard time forgiving myself and not feeling defined by my past." In this edition of LIFEadvice, coaches Kim Giles and Nicole Cunningham give great tips for forgiving your past and moving on. - photo by Kim Giles
In this edition of LIFEadvice, coaches Kim Giles and Nicole Cunningham give great tips for forgiving your past and moving on.

Question:

My life has been hard and Ive made mistakes, I have a hard time forgiving myself and not feeling defined by my past. How do you not? How do I feel good about myself and as you say see my value as good enough?

Answer:

Everything you feel comes from the way you are looking at the situation. Your perspective determines the story you tell yourself and how you feel about everything. The way you currently see your past and the feelings you have about it could completely change if you chose a different perspective.

Here are some ways you might change your perspective and look at your past differently. See if they help.

1. Choose to see life as a journey.

Imagine your life as a road trip. On this road trip there are high points and low points. Some of the experiences are fun, some are scary and others are miserable. Each of these experiences could be seen as a location on your journey through life. These experiences do not define who you are nor do they affect your value as a person. They are just places you've been. Just because you spent time traveling through Texas doesnt make you a Texan. Texas was a location on your journey; it is not who you are forever.

2. See life as a classroom.

The thing you must understand about your past is that each experience each location you have been through has brought you to where you are today.

Each experience taught you things. Some experiences taught you about who you don't want to be. Some showed you options in human behavior and the consequences of those options. Each experience served a purpose in your life to help you become stronger or smarter. At least, you have the option of seeing them this way if you want to. You could choose to embrace what each experience taught you and remember that you are not there anymore.

You are a different person now. The person you are today wouldnt make the choices you made then (though that is partly because of what you learned from making those choices before). You cannot change the past, nor should you want to. Your journey taught you important lessons. But you can refuse to let your past define you now.

3. Choose to see your value as infinite and unchangeable.

You have the option of believing every human being has the same intrinsic value and that value cannot change. This would mean that no matter what mistakes you have made, they dont affect your value and you still have the same value as everyone else. You can see human value this way, by simply deciding to.

4. Let go of shame.

We define shame with the acronym: Should Have Already Mastered Everything. You are always a student in the classroom of life, so you cant expect to have known everything, all along. That would make no sense. Shame is a waste of your energy. Instead, focus all that energy toward being who you want to be today.

5. Live in this moment, all the time.

There will never be a moment when it is not "this moment" and this is the only moment you have the power to make any choices. In this moment you can always choose to see yourself as good enough and let your past be experiences that taught you things and nothing else. Dont waste time that could be filled with joy today, feeling pain over the past.

6. Focus your energy on whats in your control.

Look at your current situation and write down whats in your control and whats not. Focus your time and energy only on what is.

7. Do something to metaphorically let the past go.

Write down the experiences you are having trouble letting go of emotionally. Then burn the paper, bury it, or tie it to a balloon and let it go, or rip it up and throw it in the trash.

8. Choose to trust life and the universe. Another option you have is to trust that your journey was the perfect one for you and that everything happens for a reason. Trust that you are on track and right where you are supposed and always have been. If you choose this perspective, it will change how you feel about yourself and your past.

9. Dont worry.

Worry, guilt and stress do you no good. They will not prevent bad things from happening, and they just make you miserable. Choose to trust that good things will happen to you. Optimism may actually draw good things your way in the future because people will be more drawn to you.

10. Set aside a time each day to experience regret and guilt.

If you just cant let the past go, choose a 15-minute block of time today to wallow in self-pity and shame. Dive in and immerse yourself in it during that time, but the rest of the day dont think about it.

The key to a successful, happy life today lies in looking at the past, understanding it and learning from it, then, leaving it in the past and moving forward. Put the lessons youve learned to work by making better choices today. Choose to see the past as a location on your journey that taught you things and nothing else; do not let it define your value or who you are. If you see experiences accurately, you will be grateful for the lessons and even be empowered to be a better you.

You can do this.
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New Medicare cards are in the mail and scammers are on the prowl
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The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has begun mailing new Medicare Health Insurance ID cards. The program no longer uses Social Security numbers to identify people. - photo by Lois M Collins
The federal government is beginning to send out new ID cards to the 58 million Americans who benefit from Medicare. But since many of the people who will receive them don't know they're coming or why, scammers are already gearing up to take advantage.

An AARP survey shows as many as three-fourths of Americans 65 and older have no idea the cards are coming, so some individuals may be duped with claims that they're supposed to pay a fee or provide personal information that will be used, instead, to defraud them.

The new cards are the first reissue in years, and the most striking part of the redesign is that the cards no longer carry the beneficiary's Social Security number. Congress mandated the removal of that number as an identifier for Medicare beneficiaries by next April. Instead, the card has a Medicare Beneficiary Identifier number, an 11-digit combination of numbers and letters.

The new Medicare cards are now being mailed out in batches, starting with the Eastern seaboard and moving west. Most Medicare beneficiaries will receive their cards over the next six months, as long as the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has their correct mailing address. Once the cards are in hand, people can share the new identification number with their health care providers. During a transition period, either card is valid.

The old cards, which used Social Security numbers as the personal identification number, should be destroyed.

AARP recently launched an education campaign to warn consumers about scams related to the new Medicare cards.

The membership organization's "Fraud Watch" consultant, Frank Abagnale reformed con man, scammer and the subject of the movie and book "Catch Me If You Can" tells senior citizens the only time they need to carry the actual Medicare card is to health care appointments. Otherwise, it should be left in a safe place. If they want to carry one in their wallet or purse, he says, make a copy and black out the first seven numbers.

Since the cards were announced, scammers have already:

  • Called seniors and asked for their bank account information so that money on their old card could be returned. There is no money on the old card and CMS never asks for personal information over the phone.
  • Offered to send the new card after Medicare beneficiaries pay a $25 fee to cover expenses related to the card. The card is free.
  • Said the card will be mailed out as soon as the older person verifies his or her Social Security number, mailing address and other personal information. CMS already knows the beneficiary's Social Security number and it's no longer being used in conjunction with health care.
AARP and the Federal Trade Commission will hold a free online seminar about the cards and the fraud attempts they have spawned on Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. EDT. Register at: www.aarp.org/FraudWebinar. CMS also offers a "frequently asked questions" guide to the new cards.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network says consumers can sign up for its Watchdog Alert emails that deliver breaking scam information, or call a free helpline at 877-908-3360 to speak with volunteers trained in fraud counseling. Abagnale also hosts a weekly podcast for AARP, called The Perfect Scam.
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