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How (and why) to stop divorce from ruining your kids' happy memories
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Divorced parents can deprive their children of important childhood memories. These five suggestions can help your children through the devastating blow of divorce. - photo by Gary and Joy Lundberg
Too often divorced parents steal memories away from their kids. If you want your children to have a healthy image of their childhood, then dont destroy it. The divorce is hard enough, so dont make it worse. Try these five suggestions to help soften the blow for your children.

1. Keep the pictures of you and your family that include your former spouse.

Its surprising how many divorced parents throw away any pictures that include their ex. Thats cruel to your children. They need to know that they once shared happy times when their parents were married. This is part of their heritage. You dont need to post these pictures around the house, especially if youve remarried, but you do need to save them and show them to your children at times when youre talking about their childhood. They may want one on display in their bedroom. Let it happen. Dont let your feelings put a damper on theirs. Enjoying these family photos will create happy memories for them. It will help them get through the troubled times.

2. Dont avoid going places you went as a family before your divorce.

Occasionally revisiting vacation places and talking about the good times you had as a family can be healing to a child. If you used to have ice cream together as a family at a certain place, keep on going there and let the kids remember the fun they used to have, and to create new memories with you now. After all, it isnt the ice cream that changed; its the relationship you had with their other parent. Keep as much sameness in their lives as you can. Let them still enjoy the places they used to enjoy before your divorce. You can also find new places as a family with a stepparent. Both need to have a place in your kids hearts.

3. Talk with your kids about the happy times before the divorce.

This wont mean youre any less in love with your current spouse. Hopefully this spouse is mature enough to want your children to have good memories of their past. If she or he has children by their former spouse, be sure to do the same for them.

4. Dont tell your kids you never loved their other parent.

This is almost always a lie. Of course you loved your former spouse. Why else would you have married him or her? To say this love never existed is a betrayal of your past. Maybe that love was lost later, but why not let the kids see that they were conceived and nurtured in love? Give them that solid foundation. Let them see your wedding picture. It will give them a sense of security knowing that at one point in their lives their parents loved each other. Even though the marriage ended, it helps kids to know that there was a happy time for you and them. Hopefully, you have kept a cordial relationship with your ex, for your childrens sakes.

5. Say only good about your ex, or say nothing.

Young children dont need to hear how bad their parent is. When it comes to the divorce, they dont need to know the sordid details. Its too devastating for them when its accompanied with a barrage of insults about Dad or Mom. Answer their questions simply and respectfully. When a divorced parent continually criticizes his or her former spouse in the presence of their children, it only harms the children. This will never bring your children closer to you. It will push them further away. Commenting on the good qualities of their other parent keeps the kids grounded. It keeps the good memories alive. Believe it or not, it will bring them closer to you. They will respect you for doing it.

As they mature they may come to know more about what caused the divorce. If they come to you asking for details, answer without going into upsetting aspects of what happened. Remember, they will likely be asking your former spouse about this, too, and will compare stories. Be honest, but gentle, without laying out more than needs to be talked about. Kids want to know the good about their parents. After all, they think they will inherit these traits, so keep them positive. Let them see a forgiveness on your part. That, too, will teach them volumes about how to live their own lives.

Parenting never ends, even if a marriage does. Help your children through the difficult times by following these five suggestions. Youll be glad you did. And they will love you all the more for it. Along with this, give them a good example of marriage by making your current marriage happy and lasting. They are desperate to see that marriage can work.
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New Medicare cards are in the mail and scammers are on the prowl
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The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services has begun mailing new Medicare Health Insurance ID cards. The program no longer uses Social Security numbers to identify people. - photo by Lois M Collins
The federal government is beginning to send out new ID cards to the 58 million Americans who benefit from Medicare. But since many of the people who will receive them don't know they're coming or why, scammers are already gearing up to take advantage.

An AARP survey shows as many as three-fourths of Americans 65 and older have no idea the cards are coming, so some individuals may be duped with claims that they're supposed to pay a fee or provide personal information that will be used, instead, to defraud them.

The new cards are the first reissue in years, and the most striking part of the redesign is that the cards no longer carry the beneficiary's Social Security number. Congress mandated the removal of that number as an identifier for Medicare beneficiaries by next April. Instead, the card has a Medicare Beneficiary Identifier number, an 11-digit combination of numbers and letters.

The new Medicare cards are now being mailed out in batches, starting with the Eastern seaboard and moving west. Most Medicare beneficiaries will receive their cards over the next six months, as long as the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has their correct mailing address. Once the cards are in hand, people can share the new identification number with their health care providers. During a transition period, either card is valid.

The old cards, which used Social Security numbers as the personal identification number, should be destroyed.

AARP recently launched an education campaign to warn consumers about scams related to the new Medicare cards.

The membership organization's "Fraud Watch" consultant, Frank Abagnale reformed con man, scammer and the subject of the movie and book "Catch Me If You Can" tells senior citizens the only time they need to carry the actual Medicare card is to health care appointments. Otherwise, it should be left in a safe place. If they want to carry one in their wallet or purse, he says, make a copy and black out the first seven numbers.

Since the cards were announced, scammers have already:

  • Called seniors and asked for their bank account information so that money on their old card could be returned. There is no money on the old card and CMS never asks for personal information over the phone.
  • Offered to send the new card after Medicare beneficiaries pay a $25 fee to cover expenses related to the card. The card is free.
  • Said the card will be mailed out as soon as the older person verifies his or her Social Security number, mailing address and other personal information. CMS already knows the beneficiary's Social Security number and it's no longer being used in conjunction with health care.
AARP and the Federal Trade Commission will hold a free online seminar about the cards and the fraud attempts they have spawned on Thursday, April 19, at 7 p.m. EDT. Register at: www.aarp.org/FraudWebinar. CMS also offers a "frequently asked questions" guide to the new cards.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network says consumers can sign up for its Watchdog Alert emails that deliver breaking scam information, or call a free helpline at 877-908-3360 to speak with volunteers trained in fraud counseling. Abagnale also hosts a weekly podcast for AARP, called The Perfect Scam.
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