HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg went on a 50-state listening tour seeking to improve FB customer service and guard FB users against trolls and scam artists. A lot of it is common sense. For instance, do not accept O.J. Simpson as a Facebook friend, it’s a fake offer and he will hack you.
President Trump allowed his daughter Ivanka to sit in at a G-20 leaders meeting for him while he met privately with Japan’s leader Saturday. She sat with commanding presence at the table and listened respectfully and spoke with dignity. If she ever shows up her father like that again, she’s out.
North Korea’s dictator Kim Jung Un answered U.S. military maneuvers by launching an ICBM missile that could reach Alaska. Military analysts fear war could break out in August. This gives President Trump three weeks to put his real estate skills to work and sell Alaska back to the Russians.
The Group of Twenty Summit signed agreements Saturday to continue making progress in the battle of what they see as climate change. France issued a pledge Monday to have no gas stations in France in 20 years. Within minutes, Germany announced the development of the all-electric tank.
Donald Trump Jr. got the scandal treatment after it was learned he met with a Russian lawyer who said she had dirt on Hillary. In a quarter-century we’ve learned that having dirt on Hillary is like knowing there’s a mouse in your house that you’ve decided to trap. The mouse has other ideas.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions visited Guantanamo Naval Base prison Monday with an eye on filling it back up with terrorists and interrogating them there. President Trump wants to bring back water-boarding, and Trump’s promising that it’ll be the best and finest torture ever. We’ll use Perrier.
The Navy arrested a U.S. sailor in Hawaii Monday for swearing allegiance to ISIS and offering to train ISIS fighters. It’s a shame Islamists in the Middle East don’t worship beer like young men in America do. Nobody’s ever been beheaded, tortured or burned at the stake over their choice of beer.
Sen. Bernie Sanders, D-Vermont, gave a speech Monday vowing to introduce a bill providing Medicare for all in a single-payer program once Democrats defeat the GOP health care bill. Ben and Jerry’s named an ice cream last year after Bernie. It’s five dollars for a quart, six hundred dollars after taxes.
California Governor Jerry Brown declared a state of emergency over the brushfires that broke out Monday. It doesn’t fool the fire marshal. California taxes are so high, business regulations are so onerous and profit margins are so slim that God’s decided to burn it down for the insurance money.
Hamilton is the host comedian of the Comedy Store in Hollywood and can be reached at argusjoke@yahoo.com.