It’s always around this time of year that I ponder when the heck I’ll get off my lazy derriere and get back into a health and fitness routine. It’s also around this time of year when I say to heck with it, New Year’s Day is right around the corner so let’s close this current year out the a bang!
I mean I know I need to eat better. I definitely know I need to get back into shape but it’s the holiday season!
Why start now?
The other day I was sitting at my computer, requesting documents and stirring up trouble as I seem to do quite often (I call it seeking the truth, but Okay…whateves). I decided to take a mental break and visited our company’s health and wellness website. It’s an online community that our corporate company uses for company-wide health challenges and also offers wellness courses and information. There are certain courses you can take that give you points when you finish. Points accumulated throughout the year will help reduce your out-of-pocket costs for the following year’s insurance plan premiums.
I’m always down for saving money. I logged in and decided to do the survey called “Age Gage,” that would reveal my relative age based on how and what I’ve been doing to my body and therefore my health.
I vowed to answer every question truthfully (because we all know we can lie on those health questionnaires). After all I wanted to know just how old my body is compared to my true birth age.
Question one asked my current age. I checked the box 45-54 (UGH…Next year I fall into the 55 and above category). I filled in my current weight and height and kept entering the pertinent information.
I knew I started to hit trouble when we got to the questions about food.
Do you eat a lot of red meat? Ummm yeah I do.
How much saturated fat do you eat in a week? Ummm I just told you I eat RED MEAT…A LOT.
Do you eat fried food? Yes and I don’t trust people who don’t.
Do you snack between meals” YES and SEE the ANSWER ABOVE
How much coffee per week? How much sugar? How many servings of vegetables per week…yada…yada…yada.
Do you drink? Yeppers!
How many servings of alcohol per week? Define serving……YIKES okay apparently I might drink more than what you might consider good for me.
Do you exercise? I used too, about two years ago. Does that count? (It didn’t).
Do you sometimes get winded when you walk going up an incline? Yep.
Do you sometimes wheeze when you get winded? Well now that you asked there are times when I wheeze.
Can you touch your toes? Well right now I can’t see them so…I’m going to say no on that.
On and on it went. Each question dragging me further into the abyss of self-shame. Finally after what seemed like a thousand questions later I hit the submit and calculate button and watched as the little whirling dervish thingy (the little circle that spins so you know your computer is working on something), twirled and twirled on the screen.
Then the answer popped up.
Patricia Leon, your birth age is 54. Your health age is 71. At this rate your 91 year old parents will outlive you by a decade! Start moving your butt or start picking your plot.
Holy poop balls!
I let my body deteriorate nearly 20 years beyond my age. I need to write out my fitness plan. Set goals. Be held accountable. I got to take better care of myself so I can care for mom and dad. I’ve got to quit putting this off.
I’ll get on this ASAP.
But hey it’s 3:30 and time for the UGA game, chicken wings and a beer, maybe two!
Leon is Courier general manager.