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Humor: Out of shape teens bad news for military
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

Scotland Yard announced they are investigating Harvey Weinstein for sexual assault against actresses in London. It’s of great interest there. The BBC just asked Hilary if Harvey’s sexual conduct is comparable to her husband Bill’s sexual misconduct and she said it was close but no cigar.

West Hollywood is preparing for 2 million revelers for the annual Halloween Parade in 10 days. I’ve lived here 40 years and it’s insane. I once broke up with a girl after she told me she used to be a Christian, which may sound judgmental, but I’d only known her since she was Christine.

NFL owners met with players Tuesday to try to smooth over the National Anthem dispute. The players are up against a strong tide. Three traits are ingrained in America’s national character - respect for the U.S. flag, support for the military and the belief that celebrities make the best presidents.

President Trump met Greece Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras at the White House Tuesday. What a great meeting. Trump gave Greece advice on how to jump-start their economy and then Greece gave Trump advice on how to make a tourist destination out of the ruins of your former civilization.

California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill into law Saturday making it legal in California for people to have the corpses of loved ones liquefied in place of cremation or burial. Reaction to the news was swift. Jamba Juice just announced plans to open a chain of funeral homes in California.

CBS News reports an online retailer halted sales of an Anne Frank Halloween costume due to the public backlash. They also halted sales of their Helen Keller costume, but not over bad taste. There were too many reported incidents of children walking into walls and tripping over the furniture

Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch gave a speech at the Trump Hotel in Washington. He’s the only Protestant on the High Court. Thirty years ago, when golf tournaments began offering millions in prize money, the Episcopal Church lost some of our finest legal minds to the PGA Tour.

President Trump struck a Senate bi-partisan deal Monday to extend Obamacare subsidies for another two years. This a day after Trump pronounced Obamacare dead. Jason told Zombie Life magazine he cannot believe how many times Obamacare has been killed and brought back to life.

Hillary Clinton had to cancel book interviews in London Tuesday after she suffered an ankle injury the night before. Her life has been so very instructive. Hillary has taught every American to dance as if no one’s looking, and email as if it may someday be used against you in a court of law.

The Council for a Strong America, a pro-military think tank in Colorado Springs, said Friday the childhood obesity epidemic is threatening the U.S. military. They say most 18-year-olds are way too out of shape to make it through basic training. It’s bad news for countries with no hills and lots of oil.

The Tallahassee Democrat reported a local tragedy Monday when a 350-pound woman decided to punish a 9-year-old boy by sitting on him. It accidentally killed him. The last thing Harvey Weinstein needed was another example of the danger he posed to his sexual victims.

Blac China is suing the entire Kardashian family for getting her and Rob Kardashian’s reality TV show canceled. All anyone can do is sigh. Americans would love to go back to laughing at comedians telling Kardashian jokes if only President Trump would give us one apocalypse-free hour.

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