HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Green Bay Packers will host the Seattle Seahawks at Lambeau Field to open their season a week from Sunday. Team officials have 10 days to figure out what do with the statue of Brett Favre outside the stadium. He was the last player drafted by both the NFL and the Confederate Army.
USA Today reports that millions and millions of Americans stood outside together on Monday and viewed the eclipse of the sun. It was a rare moment of national unity. President Trump walked outside during the eclipse and saw his shadow and traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.
Charleston hosted a huge and festive outdoor rally of South Carolinians who joined together to watch Monday’s solar eclipse. Of course, they’ve seen worse. If you’ve ever seen their obesity numbers, you’d know that a total eclipse of the sun was certainly nothing new to South Carolinians.
President Trump caught hell from the Nanny Police Monday after he was shown staring at the eclipse wearing no sunglasses. He won’t be upstaged. Ophthalmologists called it dangerous, teachers called it irresponsible, and France just named Trump to replace Jerry Lewis as their national genius.
North Korea returned to threatening the U.S. with nuclear war on Monday during a U.S.-South Korea military exercise. They don’t scare us. In case of nuclear war, scientists say the only thing that will survive are the cockroaches, which means the U.S. will still have a functioning government.
The London Daily Mail reported during a Ryan Air flight to Spain a female passenger took off her blouse, her skirt, her panties and bra and then she danced in the aisle. The flight crew reacted instinctively. They waited two minutes, then charged everyone a one hundred dollar entertainment fee.
Homeland Security asked for Americans to remain extra-vigilant following the wave of attacks in Barcelona, Paris and on London Bridge. We must help the FBI any way we can. To avoid any doubt, I placed a bumper sticker on the back of my car that reads My Driving Is Not Terrorist-Related.
The Boston Herald reports that during Saturday’s free speech march and counter-protest that leftist Antifas beat a man senseless because he was completely bald. It’s awful. In a related story, the Brockton Community Theater is casting for a new male lead in their musical production of Annie.
CNN last week spotlighted neo-Nazis who tweeted their support of President Trump after CNN had spent months probing Russia’s support of Trump. It’s a feather in Trump’s cap if you look at it one way. The Nazis and Russians haven’t agreed on anything since the 1939 Non-Aggression Pact.
President Trump gave a speech Monday vowing that the U.S. will win the Afghanistan war. For centuries it’s famous as the graveyard of empires. Those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it while those who study history are doomed to stand by helplessly while everyone else repeats it.
Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.