Krystal Horton

Columnist

Every day we are faced with some form of stressor. It may be something small, such as realizing you’ve run out of milk, or more substantial, such as giving a corporate presentation. In previous articles, we have talked about the importance of addressing stressors through routine, self-care, and positive thinking. Now it’s time to start talking about coping skills.

 This is a massive tenant of good mental health, and there is no way to cover it all within one article. So, think of this as an introduction to the subject and know that more detailed articles are forthcoming.

Let’s start by discussing the reason coping skills are important. Emotions tend to be irrational. That doesn’t mean they aren’t justified, but when emotions are heightened it can be impossible to look at a situation from a logical standpoint. Negative emotions have a way of making us feel paralyzed, unable to see the path forward or to make important decisions. Coping skills are those actions that an individual can take to calm emotional turmoil. Once this occurs, rational thought processes return, and it can be easier to resolve a conflict.

As with many matters in life, there are unhealthy and healthy coping skills. Unhealthy coping skills often make us feel better in the moment, but can result in long-lasting damage or increased stressors afterwards. For instance, driving 25 miles over the speed limit may feel invigorating, but it would be a major inconvenience to lose a driver’s license for “super speeding.” Going out on a shopping spree may be quite the treat, but too much “retail therapy” may keep the bills from being paid. Unhealthy coping skills only provide a temporary relief of symptoms, as opposed to long-term resolution of the underlying stressor.

Healthy coping skills are those actions that allow us to manage our stress, without suffering any unwanted side effects. They are used to regulate breathing, slow our minds, or calm our emotions in a way that allows us to feel better, controlling our emotions as opposed to our emotions controlling us. Once the emotions are settled it becomes easier to deal with the issue at hand. This allows for a more thorough resolution of the problem, and decreased stress in the long run. Think of this in terms of when you were in school, and a math problem was getting the better of you. As the frustration level rose, the ability to solve the problem decreased. However, if you took a break from the problem and came back to it, suddenly the solution seemed more simple than it did before.

When I teach healthy coping skills to my clients, I often separate them into two different categories. I start with the more traditionally taught skills, then move on to the more individual-based ones. The traditional skills can be used in nearly any environment. They are exercises that do not require any specific materials or planning. Most of the time, others won’t even realize your using them. The second set of skills are often very similar to self-care activities. They may require you to change environments, use prompts, or even seek out others. The primary difference between these coping skills and self-care activities is that they are used in the moment, as opposed to in preparation or decompression of the day.

When it comes down to it, keep in mind that we are all unique individuals. Our personal experiences and perspectives are going to impact our wants, needs, strengths, and weaknesses. That means that finding the right coping skill may take a bit of trial and error. At the end of the day what matters is that the coping skill is effective, does not cause harm to you or others, and improves your mental well-being.

Remember: Knowledge matters. Mental Health matters. Most importantly, you matter.