HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Robert Mueller sent the FBI to raid the office of Trump’s attorney Michael Cohen, looking for Stormy Daniels payoff evidence. Mueller can’t use the FBI to violate attorney-client privilege and release a person’s private information to the public. That’s Facebook’s job, and they’re another union.
Bill Cosby’s drug-rape retrial got underway in Philadelphia with jury selection this week. He’s been stripped of all his honorary college degrees. White House officials say there’s no way to take away Cosby’s Presidential Medal of Freedom, that is, unless you drug him and take it away from him.
CBS is battling an upcoming Washington Post story detailing Charlie Rose’s sex misconduct while hosting CBS This Morning and CBS 60 Minutes. Execs are terrified. CBS warned employees that they expect all non-disclosure agreements to be obeyed, except the one signed by Stormy Daniels.
Trump Tower broke into a raging fire on the fiftieth floor of the Manhattan office building on Saturday. The cause of the fire was obvious. After Trump’s many affairs over the past years with porn stars, super-models, Playboy Playmates and actresses, a little burning and itching was inevitable.
President Trump speaking in the cabinet room Monday denounced the FBI raid on his private attorney’s office in Manhattan. It was at least partly successful. The federal agents burst into the attorney’s office at seven in the morning and the maid was on the next flight to San Salvador by noon.
President Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen says he paid porn star Stormy Daniels hush money to protect Trump before the election. He underestimated the foe. Democrats used Deep Throat to bring down Richard Nixon and now they’re using the star of Trailer Trash Nurses to go after Trump.
Michael Cohen’s offices were ransacked by FBI agents looking for his Stormy Daniels payoff records. All he had to do was let Stormy do her interviews last month and it’d be over by now. Attorneys just think they are professionals at screwing people until they cross swords with a porn star.
President Trump faced a GOP revolt over the spending bill as tried to plot a response to Syria for the chemical attack. Meanwhile the FBI raided Trump’s lawyer’s office and now Mueller could be fired, prompting all hell to break loose. These are the times that try men’s souls, and then eat them.
Jeff Sessions named a U.S. attorney to be in charge of providing Congress Justice Department documents about the probe of Hillary Clinton using a private e-mail server for U.S. business. This news won’t cheer her up at all. Hillary always looks like you just told her you wrecked her Mercedes.
London protestors called for the removal of Lord Nelson’s towering monument in Trafalgar Square. They claim he was a white supremacist. Considering that England was all-white during Nelson’s time, he wouldn’t have been much of a national hero if he hadn’t been a white supremacist.
The National Guard was deployed to the U.S.-Mexico border in Texas and in Arizona this week under new orders by the Attorney General. They are to apprehend each border crosser. Trump should appoint the Augusta National Golf Club in charge of immigration and that way nobody gets in.
Newsweek reported a study showing that infants are drawn to beautiful people. It’s obviously possible to get carried away later in life. If you think that President Trump is addicted to perfect looks and beauty queens, Bashar al-Assad has been turning Syrians blonde for 18 years now.
President Trump addressed reporters at a cabinet meeting Monday and said he’s holding Syria’s government responsible for a chemical attack on civilians in rebel Damascus suburbs. A U.S. air and missile strike could be imminent. Things are looking up in Syria, that is, if things want to live.
Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.