By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
We do have a new President-Elect
Patty Leon new

I’m supposed to write an opinion piece here. But I have nothing on my mind right now. Not that there isn’t a thousand things I could go off about, but I’m just tired of pointless conversations that fall on deaf, or worse, brainwashed ears.

Why bother when the sky is clearly blue and one plus one equals two, but 50 percent of the world sees and says otherwise.

Why should I waste my time and energy quoting science and tangible research proving that H2O equals water, when a You Tube video can convince half the population on this planet that H2O is an elemental component of fire (It’s NOT).

Why bother wasting oxygen on folks who still believe the Earth is flat despite all the scientific reports which state otherwise and all those cool photos from space.

It’s exhausting.

Certain people are going to believe whatever it is they want to believe that fits their narrative, agenda and lifestyle.

PERIOD.

If I believe Bigfoot is real (and he is) you won’t change my mind. If I believe in angels, demons, spirits and ghosts (which I do) there is nothing you can say that will change my mind.

If I say that pineapple on pizza is the work of the Devil (it is) and ketchup doesn’t belong on a hot dog (it doesn’t) you better believe I can find stuff to prove my point is correct and anything saying otherwise is bogus.

I’ll be able to cite research, show you plenty of You Tube videos, and find articles, no matter how baseless that news site might be, just prove to you, that my point is correct.

And in my mind those websites that support only my views and theories will be the only ones that should be considered factual.

To heck with the rest! And to heck with critical thinking!

And if those websites and agencies, like Fox News, for example, should deviate an inch from my point of view, well then, I’ll find new ones, like OAN and Newsmax, for example…yeah that works.

Jeez, when you say that out loud, it sound kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it!?!

Well I’m about to throw you further down the rabbit-hole. You are all in for a big surprise, according to the most reputable news source there is – The National Enquirer.

I happen to have an inside connection to that news organization who told me they are working on a story that will blow everyone’s mind. I mean they are still sorting out all the details and my source said he needs to remain anonymous to protect his job. (How tantalizing).

You’re hearing it here first folks!

The real winner of the Presidential Election is neither Trump nor Biden. Seems like 78,000,000 million Americans wrote in the real winner. Congratulations to our new President Elect – the Cryptid known as Mothman. And our new Vice President is Samin Nosrat.

It seems that Americans picked Mothman due to his keen ability of forecasting disasters and his desire to warn people ahead of time. Those are great traits in a President, especially when the country is seeking to combat COVID-19.

It is said that Mothman has been monitoring Pfizer and Moderna. If their version of the COVID-19 vaccine is sent to your area and there is a sudden rise in Mothman sightings, I would think twice about getting the initial vaccine and thank your new Commander in Chief.

Nosrat is a Chef and Food writer and the author of the book and Netflix series Salt, Acid, Fat, Heat. It appears that the American people are confident that her attention to detail regarding the foundational elements of food can be used to rebuild our fragile and destroyed political system. Afterall, the best way

to anyone’s heart is through their stomach.

It’s my understanding that Mothman also plans to add several new people to his cabinet. Marvin the Martian will be the new Director of Space Exploration and Bigfoot will oversee wildlife and endangered species research.

Activist Greta Thunberg is in the process of getting her American citizenship to work along side Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on climate change. Thunberg will make history as the youngest member of Mothman’s cabinet.

The Tasmanian Devil will oversee the Environmental Protection Agency and the Roadrunner will be in charge of highways and infrastructure.

Mothman will also be the first President elected who is single!

Hey, it’s the National Enquirer, so it must be true.

This outcome makes sense!

For the first time in a long while I feel like I can exhale. This will be one of the most diverse group we’ve ever had in leadership roles in our government.

For those of you that can’t accept Mothman as your new President, GET OVER IT!

 

Sign up for our e-newsletters