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Boundaries possible even home-schooling
Parenting
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Q: You’ve often said that parents should not be “involved” with their children, but rather should establish a clear boundary in the parent-child relationship. I agree in principle, but as a homeschooling mom, I have no choice but to be highly involved with my kids. Can you help me resolve this conflict?
A: In relationships, boundaries are essential to respect. One of the stumbling blocks in contemporary parenting culture is the general lack of a clear boundary between parent and child. The symptoms include the so-called “family bed,” married couples who are more involved with their children than they are with one another (in terms of attention paid to, time spent with, interest shown in, and so on), and families that are organized around children’s activities. The underlying problem is that today’s parents are more concerned about being liked than respected by their kids.
This modern social fashion is by no means confined to the parent-child relationship. The need to be liked by children has infected the teaching profession (in some school systems, for example, students actually rate teachers on “likeability”), and manifests itself more generally in such imprudent things as adults wanting children — even very young children — to call them by their first names.
But I’m beginning to digress. To your question, homeschooling does not, should not, require a high level of involvement between parent and child. The best home-school curricula facilitate a considerable amount of independence on the part of the student and foster a clear boundary between parent-as-teacher and child-as-student. The recognition is implicit that effective teaching requires just such a boundary.
The most effective homeschooling generally takes place in the context of a collaborative effort on the part of two or more homeschooling parents, each of whom accepts certain teaching responsibilities, and the children in question are usually involved in extracurricular activities (e.g., sports, band, clubs) through the local public school system. The notion that the “isolation” of homeschooling is antithetical with learning to deal with real life is belied by the consistent finding that kids who’ve been homeschooled score as well or better than their peers on measures of social adjustment.
Parents often ask me what I think about homeschooling, to which I reply, “For whom?” In other words, homeschooling is by no means a one-size-fits-all option. It should not be embarked upon without considerable forethought, investigation, and conversation with other homeschooling parents. Some parents are suited to it; others are not. In any case, selecting an appropriate curriculum is key to the overall success of the endeavor. I strongly recommend against homeschooling for a parent who is experiencing significant discipline problems with the child or children in question.
Any parent interested in learning more about homeschooling can begin by contacting their local or state home-school association. Also, consider attending a national home-school conference. In the final analysis, the best resource for a homeschooling parent is other homeschooling parents.

A family psychologist, Rosemond answers parents’ questions on his Web site at www.rosemond.com.
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Visit with children a real eye-opener
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One of my favorite activities as a state senator is when I get to speak to students at our local schools. This year, I spoke to third-grade students at May Howard Elementary and Marshpoint Elementary in Chatham County and Button Gwinnett Elementary in Liberty County.
The students from each of the schools had been studying civics and were familiar with the three branches of government — executive, judicial and legislative. I explained my role as a senator in the legislative process and told the children how the citizen legislature in the state of Georgia works.
Presenting each of the schools with a Georgia state flag, I explained the three principles for which the state flag stands — wisdom, justice and moderation — and had them recite the pledge to the flag with me. 
The students at all three schools were bright, respectful and well-disciplined — a tribute to their families and especially to their teachers, who had prepared the students for my visit with ideas for great questions.
The students in Ms. Hutchinson’s class at Marshpoint Elementary were impressive in singing the preamble to the Constitution during my visit. What a great way to learn such an important part of our nation’s history — another wonderful example of the great job our teachers are doing.
I was delighted last week to receive thank-you letters from some of the students. Here are excerpts from a few of their letters:
 
Dear Mr. Carter,
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come speak to us. I learned so much! I learned that there are two kinds of Pledge of Allegiances. That is pretty cool.
Do you travel all over the world do you? I really like that you taught me more about the three branches of government.
— Megan
 
Dear Sen. Carter,
Thank you for telling us about your job and your favorite thing about your job. I liked the Georgia state flag. I still have more questions. Do you have to work on Saturday and Sunday? Are you the only one who makes the laws?
Yours truly,
Ryleigh 


Dear Sen. Buddy Carter,
Thank you for coming and letting us have a little bit of your time. I want you to know that I learned something new. The Georgia pledge! Justice, wisdom and modesty! Thanks again!
— Liam
 
Dear Sen. Buddy Carter,
Thank you for coming and helping us learn more about the government and some of your job. Thank you for giving us a Georgia flag. It was fun when you came. Thank you for giving us some questions so we could answer them.
P.S. Did you ride in a limousine? I was going to ask you a question but then I forgot. But now I remember. How many rooms are there where you work? You can send me a note if you can.
Your friend,
Erin
 
I’m uncertain whether the students learned as much from me during my visit as I learned from them. One thing that I was reminded of was the honesty that comes from the innocence of childhood. I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret some of the questions, such as the one asked in this letter:
 
Dear Sen. Carter,
I loved your speech. Thanks for coming to our school. I think my favorite part was when we held the flag. It was so fun! I have a question: How many people voted for you?
Sincerely,
Shelly
 
I also was more than a little concerned about a recurring question in the thank-you notes that was posed to me during one of my visits by a beautiful, brown-eyed girl who, with a very serious look on her face, asked “Did you ever get re-elected be-fore?”


What a great group of young people! My faith and hope in our future has been reassured. What an amazing job our families and teachers are doing on a daily basis to support and encourage our next generation. Thank you for your dedication to teaching our leaders of tomor-row.

Sen. Buddy Carter can be reached at Coverdell Legislative Office Building (C.L.O.B.) Room 301-A, Atlanta, GA, 30334. His Capitol office number is 404-656-5109

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