’Twas two days before Christmas, yet not quite in the mood,
Then I remembered about all the holiday food.
Feeling much better, I returned to my chore,
Then I heard it, although lightly, there was a knock on my door.
So I looked out my window, surprised as to who I did see,
Wait is that Santa, there, just waiting on me?
“Dude, what’s up? Man you look great,”
“It looks like you lost a lot of your weight.”
“Ho, ho,” he replied, “but for Christmas this just won’t do.”
“My suit won’t fit right, so I came looking for you.”
“Me?” I asked. “Well Santa, you must be mistaken.”
“Yes you,” he replied. “Just feed me. Let’s start off with bacon.”
“Just for the holidays,” he said. “I need to be jolly and round.”
“They say you are a foodie, so help me put on the pounds.”
He walked in and made his way to my table,
“Conjure up some goodies,” he said. “Every meal you are able.”
I set out his cookies and started hoisting out pans,
I started chopping veggies and opening cans.
I cut up some cheese and prepared him a platter,
Then I turned my attention to the heart of the matter.
His visit had to be short, after all, he can only stay for a while,
“OK Santa,” I said. I’ll feed you my way, Cuban-style.”
I made him white rice, black beans and Cuban steak
He ate roast pork and plantains until so full that he ached.
And just when I thought he had to be through
He smiled and burped and said, “One meal more will do.”
I couldn’t believe it. Someone who eats much more than me.
Yet there he still sat, eating sliced brie.
“Dude you’re the king,” I said. “You beat me by a mile.”
“Well Mrs. Claus keeps a tight watch on me,” he said with a smile.
“I don’t do this year-round, like I said, just to fit in my suit.”
“Now go fetch me my final meal, go on now, scoot.”
Back in the kitchen I cooked until my cupboard was bare.
Not a piece of pie left, nor a cookie to spare.
Santa stood up, stretched and was looking quite pleased.
“I’m so full and round,” he laughed. “I can’t see my knees.”
“Look how my suit fits,” he added. “Now it fits perfect and snug.”
“You did it,” he said while wrapping me tight in a hug.
He rubbed his belly, tightened his belt while walking back toward the door.
So joyous was he that he danced ‘cross the floor.
“Thank you so much,” he said. “I knew you’d be up for the task.
He reached into his bag, ruffled about then tossed me a flask.
“Heard you’re a whiskey girl, so please have this drink.”
“Mrs. Claus watches that too,” he chuckled and said with a wink.
“And there’s more gifts to come during my holiday spree.”
“But you must clean up that kitchen and finish the tree.”
Speechless, I stood there amazed.
He walked toward the sleigh, hopped in, fixed the seat up just right.
He rubbed his belly once more and chuckled in pure delight.
“You filled my belly but also warmed my heart,” he said eyes twinkling bright.
“I’ll see you again soon,” he promised, cracked his whip and the sleigh was soon out of sight.
Yet I still heard him clearly… “Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.”
Ok, yeah this is my own adult version of T’was the Night before Christmas. It is intended for fun and laughter only, however, let it be known that no one goes hungry at my house – ever!
In all seriousness whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or any of the other holiday traditions, religious or otherwise, enjoy it and be safe. Take the opportunity to celebrate those in your life who bring you joy, happiness and yes even laughter.
I look forward to sharing new foodie experiences in 2016.