- They think an electric pencil sharpener is the latest thing in technology.
- They belong to a group trying to bring back corporal punishment.
- Their bad breath extends to the rest of their body.
- They think Pontius Pilate is an exercise program.
- They have tattoos on their lips.
- They keep sniffing the glue sticks.
- They keep a framed portrait of Torquemada on their desk.
- They click a pair of steel ball bearings in their hands while asking about the strawberries.
- They ignite passion in their students by teaching them to make Molotov cocktails.
- They genuflect whenever they hear the word curriculum.
- By the time they finish taking role the class hour is over.
- They keep students after school to clap erasers, even though there are only whiteboards in every classroom.
- They start a lecture and cannot be stopped by anything less than an earthquake or someone chewing gum.
- They spend so much time giving homework that theres no time left to learn anything in class.
- Field trips consist of going to the Wash-O-Mat and watching them do their laundry.
- They teach Social Studies using MAD Magazine.
- Their alma mater advertises in the back of comic books.
- Theyre certain dyslexia is an eating disorder.
- They would rather exterminate a question than answer it.
- They subscribe to the Flat Earth Society magazine.
- They work evenings as a bouncer in a book store.
- They get nervous when students stay awake the full hour.
- They plant seeds but dont water them.
- They bring their parole officer on Career Day.
- They believe in repetition like others believe in religion.
- They are banned from the teachers lounge for embezzling the coffee fund.
- They claim to be writing their thesis on Angry Birds.
- They give open book tests on subjects they never got around to teaching.
- They mistake curiosity for insubordination.
- They think volume equals discipline.
- They are so disorganized that when their socks dont match you are amazed they have any on at all.
- Their social skills are so poor that they talk more to the class hamster than to their students.
- They text more than their students during class.
- They take up a collection in class to pay off their bookie.
- Their Facebook page was voted Number One Entertainment Site by Playboy Magazine.
- They think of Powerpoint as the ability to point at a student and send them to the Principals office.
- They use their students as a group therapy session, reviewing all their personal problems and hang ups.
- They are always late...because The dog ate my car keys!