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38 Clues That a Teacher is Bad
No Caption - photo by Tim Torkildson
  • They think an electric pencil sharpener is the latest thing in technology.

  • They belong to a group trying to bring back corporal punishment.

  • Their bad breath extends to the rest of their body.

  • They think Pontius Pilate is an exercise program.

  • They have tattoos on their lips.

  • They keep sniffing the glue sticks.
  • They keep a framed portrait of Torquemada on their desk.

  • They click a pair of steel ball bearings in their hands while asking about the strawberries.

  • They ignite passion in their students by teaching them to make Molotov cocktails.

  • They genuflect whenever they hear the word curriculum.

  • By the time they finish taking role the class hour is over.

  • They keep students after school to clap erasers, even though there are only whiteboards in every classroom.

  • They start a lecture and cannot be stopped by anything less than an earthquake or someone chewing gum.

  • They spend so much time giving homework that theres no time left to learn anything in class.

  • Field trips consist of going to the Wash-O-Mat and watching them do their laundry.

  • They teach Social Studies using MAD Magazine.

  • Their alma mater advertises in the back of comic books.

  • Theyre certain dyslexia is an eating disorder.

  • They would rather exterminate a question than answer it.

  • They subscribe to the Flat Earth Society magazine.

  • They work evenings as a bouncer in a book store.

  • They get nervous when students stay awake the full hour.
  • They plant seeds but dont water them.

  • They bring their parole officer on Career Day.

  • They believe in repetition like others believe in religion.

  • They are banned from the teachers lounge for embezzling the coffee fund.

  • They claim to be writing their thesis on Angry Birds.

  • They give open book tests on subjects they never got around to teaching.

  • They mistake curiosity for insubordination.

  • They think volume equals discipline.

  • They are so disorganized that when their socks dont match you are amazed they have any on at all.

  • Their social skills are so poor that they talk more to the class hamster than to their students.

  • They text more than their students during class.

  • They take up a collection in class to pay off their bookie.

  • Their Facebook page was voted Number One Entertainment Site by Playboy Magazine.

  • They think of Powerpoint as the ability to point at a student and send them to the Principals office.

  • They use their students as a group therapy session, reviewing all their personal problems and hang ups.

  • They are always late...because The dog ate my car keys!
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