I tend to daydream. Sometimes I look at the shape of the clouds above me and I can see a tea kettle or maybe the little fat guy that runs North Korea. And then sometimes I just close my eyes and think of headlines I would like to see, such as:
Obama says teleprompters make him say dumb things
In the Rose Garden today, President Barack Obama admitted that swinging his head back and forth between Teleprompters makes him dizzy and as a result, he says some “very dumb” things without thinking. His comment that if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin was, he admitted, totally inappropriate and only served to heighten racial tensions and if the accused is tried and acquitted, could lead to ugly riots. “Hey,” said the president, “you try swiveling your head from side to side and reading what somebody has written for you and see how smart you sound. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go pop a couple of Dramamine.”
Legislator apologizes for misleading the public
House Speaker Pro Tem Jan Jones, R-Alpharetta, held an impromptu news conference at the Capitol to admit she may have misled the public in her promotion of the charter school constitutional amendment. Jones said she probably should have mentioned that she had received $1,000 in political contributions from Charter Schools USA, a Florida-based charter-school management company. “I should have been more forthright,” she said.
Occupy protesters vow to change system from within and to shower
Protesters who have been a part of the Occupy movement across the nation said today that they realized they were being used as dupes by labor unions and other liberal special-interest groups and that the best way to change things in the country would be for them to go get jobs, pay taxes and vote, instead of blocking streets and harassing law-abiding citizens.
“We regret having to make this decision because we love being on television and not having to be responsible for anything,” a spokesperson said. “First, though, we will need to take a shower. We smell like rotten sweat socks.”
Perdue says fishing facility a flop and now supports goat program
Former Gov. George E. Perdue admitted that his pet project, the $19 million Go Fish Georgia Educational Center in Perry, has flopped like a fish out of water. The estimated annual attendance at the center was projected to be 200,000 in its first year of operation. However, that number turned out to be 15,000, and most of the attendees were real estate agents trying to sell Perdue more land. The former governor said he should have listened to a certain modest columnist who proposed “go watch goats eat kudzu,” in which busloads of Yankees would pay to come watch goats eat kudzu along the interstates. “In retrospect, I should have realized that nobody wants to watch a bunch of stupid fish swim around,” Perdue said.
Arab spring has sprung. Nothing has changed
Officials from Egypt and Libya announced today that nothing is going to change in those countries in spite of the promise of an “Arab spring,” a movement that many had hoped would replace dictators with democracies.
“Oh pooh,” said Sheik Abdul Abdul, “this isn’t about democracy. This is about the Islamic movement taking control and getting back to the basics like stoning bad guys and making women second-class citizens.”
The sheik did promise, however, to sell Georgia all the goats it wanted. “Whoever thought up ‘go watch goats eat kudzu’ is one smart infidel,” he said.
Scientists discover miracle food: banana pudding
Government scientists said that Americans need to eat more banana pudding. Banana pudding has all the essential vitamins and minerals of broccoli, plus some we haven’t even discovered yet. Farmers promised to eradicate broccoli immediately and plant lots of banana trees.
I doubt I will ever see these headlines, but all is not lost. I just saw a cloud floating by that looks like a Bulldog eating a Yellow Jacket. I’ll take that.
You can reach Yarbrough at firstname.lastname@example.org or P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Ga., 31139.