Editor’s note: This column originally ran in 2015 with lots of great feedback. It has a few minor tweaks, but I hope you enjoy it.
’Twas three days before Christmas, yet not quite in the mood, Then I remembered about all the holiday food.
Feeling much better, I returned to my chore, Then I heard it, although lightly, there was a knock on my door.
So, I looked out my window, surprised as to who I did see, Wait is that Santa, there, just waiting on me?
“Dude, what’s up? Man, you look great,” “It looks like you lost a lot of your weight.”
“Ho, ho,” he replied, “but for Christmas this just won’t do.”
“My suit won’t fit right, so I came looking for you.”
“Me?” I asked. “Well Santa, you must be mistaken.”
“Yes you,” he replied. “Just feed me and let’s start with some bacon.”
“Just for the holidays,” he said. “I need to be jolly and round.”
“They say you’re a foodie, so help me put on the pounds.”
He walked in and made his way to my table, “Conjure up some goodies,” he said. “Every meal you are able.”
I set out his cookies and started hoisting out pans, I started chopping up veggies and opening cans.
I cut up some cheese and prepared him a platter, Then I turned my attention to the heart of the matter.
His visit would be short, after all, he can only stay for a while, “OK Santa,” I said. I’ll feed you Cuban-style.”
I made him white rice, black beans and Cuban steak He ate roast pork and plantains until, so full, that he ached.
And just when I thought he had to be through He burped and smiled and said, “One meal more will do.”
I couldn’t believe it. Someone who eats much more than me.
Yet there he still sat, eating sliced bread with Brie.
“Dude you’re the king,” I said. “You beat me by a mile.”
“Well Mrs. Claus keeps a tight watch on me,” he said with a smile.
“I don’t do this yearround, but I needed to fit in my suit.”
“Now go fetch me my final meal, go on now, scoot.” Back in the kitchen I cooked until my cupboard was bare.
Not a piece of pie left, nor a cookie to spare.
Santa stood up, stretched and was looking quite pleased.
“I’m so full and round,” he laughed. “I can’t see my knees.”
“Look how my suit fits,” he added. “It fits perfect and snug.”
“Thank you my dear,” he said while giving me a hug. He rubbed his belly, loosened his belt and walked back toward the door. So joyous was he that he danced ‘cross the floor.
“Now I’m ready for work,” he said. “There is so much to do. “I have to pack up the sleigh and get the elves ready, too.” “Mrs. Claus may be angry and may not know what to think,” “But she’ll understand why,” he chuckled and said with a wink.
“There’s lots of gifts to give during my holiday spree.” “And you must clean up that kitchen and finish the tree.” I stood there amazed as he pranced around my floor, He did another small dance as he walked out my door. He jumped in his sleigh and fixed the seat up just right. He rubbed his belly once more and chuckled in delight.
“You filled my belly but also warmed my heart,” he said, eyes twinkling bright.
“I’ll see you again soon,” and off he went out of sight. “Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.”
OK, yeah, this is my own foodie version of “T’was the Night before Christmas.” It is intended for fun and laughter only; however, let it be known that no one goes hungry at my house — ever!
In all seriousness whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or any of the other holiday traditions, religious or otherwise, enjoy it and be safe. Take the opportunity to celebrate those in your life who bring you joy, happiness and, yes, even laughter.
Patty Leon is senior editor of the Courier.