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Best things: Excuses for speeding
Lt. Danny “Cuz” Pittman - photo by Photo provided.
As a Liberty County Sheriff’s Office deputy since 1990, Lt. Danny “Cuz” Pittman has seen — and heard — it all. During the 17 years he served as a road deputy, Pittman pulled over numerous drivers and he’s heard far too many excuses. Here are his five favorites:
1. “I sneezed and my foot pressed down on the accelerator.” To which Pittman replied, “For the last mile and a half?”
2. “I had to go to the bathroom real, real bad.” Pittman replied, “OK, let me see your license and insurance.” The speeder replied, “I can prove it — oops, too late.”
To which Pittman said, “Ma’am, there is a gas station up the street. You really need to hurry.”
3. “Why are you stopping me? I only had four beers.” Pittman said for what the driver blew in the breathalyzer test, he should buy stock in that beer company.
4. “I’m tired, I need to hurry home.” Pittman said understands that sometimes people just want to crawl into bed, but speeding is not the best way to get home safely. He responded, “Sir, at 80 MPH you will hurry home. Oh, by the way, here is something to help you stay awake.” He handed the driver a ticket.
5. Late one night, Pittman said he was on the side of the road running radar when a car flew past. He pulled the driver over and a woman jumped out screaming, “My daughter is having a baby!”
Pittman said he ran over to the car and found the expectant mother in the backseat yelling that her contractions were two to three minutes apart. He called 911 and the EMS dispatcher told him to prepare himself to handle a delivery. Thankfully, first responders made it before the baby arrived, he said.
Pittman recalls saying, “Thank you Jesus,” and he told the first responder, “If you were a girl, I would kiss you.”

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