MOULTRIE — Ever noticed how you can read the name or title of something and immediately you draw an impression of what it’s about, but then you find out it’s something totally different?
So today I opened my emails and the first one on the list was called Hotdog Yoga.
Wow! I can sit cross-legged in a pair of pajamas, think pure thoughts, smell incense and have a hotdog — and by extension, a slaw dog or chili dog. My thought was that maybe new studies have concluded that hotdogs aren’t harmful if you’re doing yoga at the same time.
I was wrong!
As it turns out, Hotdog is a brand name. They sell yoga gear. And I didn’t even know yoga involved gear. Fishing involves gear. Football involves gear. Bowling involves gear. But yoga?
In other words, you get a package that includes a mat to sit on. It’s rolled up in a little carrier case that has pockets for your keys and cell phone, a water bottle, plus room for your entire yoga attire. No hotdog.
I really wasn’t depressed. But I was disappointed. You see they keep coming up with new studies that debunk some old theories. For instance, they used to say eggs were very bad for you. Now they’ve decided that they are good for you. I’m not sure who “they” are but then I don’t know who blew up my mailbox either, or who put the dead cat on my windshield. But life goes on.
Just a few weeks ago, I read that “they” have decided that a baked potato is not as bad for you as they once thought. Of course the baked potato they are talking about doesn’t have butter, sour cream and bacon bits on it.
I had a dream one night that “they” had decided that fried chicken was good for you. It reduced cholesterol, cured cancer and would cause politicians to choke if they lied to you. Like I said, I had a dream.
And please don’t think I’m putting down yoga. If it works for you, then I’m all for it. One day I may read up on yoga and try it for myself. But for the most part, I’ve decided that when it comes to fitness .... if it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t work. And when I say hurt, basically I mean some level of discomfort.
I can tell you this, however. If you believe that you can exercise for just 30 minutes three times a week and come out in six months looking like those guys in the commercials, then I’ve got an old Vitalis bottle with a genie in it that I will sell you at half price.
You have to understand that the people they have in those commercials already looked like that when they brought them in to film. They also don’t explain where all of that loose skin goes once you lose the 150 pounds. Maybe that’s what they made the Hotdog Yoga carrying case out of.
Now if they could do a before-and-after sequence with Rush Limbaugh and he came out looking like someone sculptured from granite, then you can bet the Dow Jones would see a rise that day based on that program alone.
I’m not saying Hotdog Yoga is false advertising by any means. Once you read the entire email, you know right away that this outfit (patent pending) is not trying to make you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Rabbit or a national balanced budget. It’s my fault that I jumped to a conclusion. And if I was into yoga, I might even consider an investment in their product. As it is, my program mainly just requires the purchase of BenGay and Absorbine Jr.
Also, sometimes one can hear something and not have the brochure or program handy to refer to and totally get the wrong picture. Take my friend The Earl of Stumpworth by the Ochlocknee. He heard about a world champion chess match and immediately bought a ticket.
Boy did he get upset to find out that Dolly Parton wasn’t there.
Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer, 229-985-4545. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org