It’s getting to the point where every time I watch The View, I have to take a tranquilizer and lie down to keep my head from imploding or exploding or just unscrewing and rolling across the floor.
Oh sure, during the election days I watched to see what kind of moronic statement Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spew forth just to rile up the Democrats, but now that it’s over the relativity of the subject matter just seems to elude me. For example, today the subject matter was my daddy is pregnant and my mommy is my daddy.
A man gave birth to a baby. Whoa!
It all rolls around this dude who had a sex change operation from woman to man. He got married to a real woman because he had an overwhelming desire to be as miserable as the rest of his friends. After the snip-and-clip, he discovered that his wife couldn’t have babies because of something that happened a long, long time ago when she was in her right mind.
Her husband grew a mustache, got a short haircut, bought some camouflage Carhartt overalls and laid claim to the remote control. After all the masculizing had been done, he memorized the words to the Muddy Waters classic, “I’m A Man.” After belching and having some kid pull his finger, he studied himself in the mirror and noticed that his mustache was, to say the least, sparse.
Now, when I say she had a ‘sex’ change operation, it was just partial. She had some things completely removed and some things just tucked away for a rainy day. Tons and tons of testosterone were consumed after the operation to insure said applicant had a strong desire to fish, hunt and break wind in public. I wanted to write fart but I knew the editor of this paper would not print it.
Now this is the kicker. When the girl saw the baby that had been birthed by the boy, she started lactating and is now breastfeeding the baby. Please don’t ask me how this could happen but according to Barbara Walters –– who knows everything –– it did. Barbara knows things like this because before her third facelift, she was Ward Cleaver. You can look it up. If I’m wrong, I apologize.
I don’t claim to know everything related to marrying up, but I do know that when a man and woman get married it’s for better or worse. The “better” part is real good but the “worse” part can be a bit trying. When two men get married to each other, it’s something that I can’t relate to but it’s their bidness and should be nobody’s bidness but theirs. The same holds true for two women tying the knot. It’s just a way for Melissa Etheridge to sell more CDs. But when a woman changes from man to woman so he/she can marry another woman who can lactate just by looking at a baby, it’s more than my Flounder Creek upbringing can comprehend.
There’s lot’s of books dealing with this subject matter but I’m too narrow-minded to walk into the library and tell Miss Ida Hilton that I want to check out “I have 2 Mommies,” or “My Uncle Used To Love Me But She Died.”
Oh sure, during the election days I watched to see what kind of moronic statement Elisabeth Hasselbeck would spew forth just to rile up the Democrats, but now that it’s over the relativity of the subject matter just seems to elude me. For example, today the subject matter was my daddy is pregnant and my mommy is my daddy.
A man gave birth to a baby. Whoa!
It all rolls around this dude who had a sex change operation from woman to man. He got married to a real woman because he had an overwhelming desire to be as miserable as the rest of his friends. After the snip-and-clip, he discovered that his wife couldn’t have babies because of something that happened a long, long time ago when she was in her right mind.
Her husband grew a mustache, got a short haircut, bought some camouflage Carhartt overalls and laid claim to the remote control. After all the masculizing had been done, he memorized the words to the Muddy Waters classic, “I’m A Man.” After belching and having some kid pull his finger, he studied himself in the mirror and noticed that his mustache was, to say the least, sparse.
Now, when I say she had a ‘sex’ change operation, it was just partial. She had some things completely removed and some things just tucked away for a rainy day. Tons and tons of testosterone were consumed after the operation to insure said applicant had a strong desire to fish, hunt and break wind in public. I wanted to write fart but I knew the editor of this paper would not print it.
Now this is the kicker. When the girl saw the baby that had been birthed by the boy, she started lactating and is now breastfeeding the baby. Please don’t ask me how this could happen but according to Barbara Walters –– who knows everything –– it did. Barbara knows things like this because before her third facelift, she was Ward Cleaver. You can look it up. If I’m wrong, I apologize.
I don’t claim to know everything related to marrying up, but I do know that when a man and woman get married it’s for better or worse. The “better” part is real good but the “worse” part can be a bit trying. When two men get married to each other, it’s something that I can’t relate to but it’s their bidness and should be nobody’s bidness but theirs. The same holds true for two women tying the knot. It’s just a way for Melissa Etheridge to sell more CDs. But when a woman changes from man to woman so he/she can marry another woman who can lactate just by looking at a baby, it’s more than my Flounder Creek upbringing can comprehend.
There’s lot’s of books dealing with this subject matter but I’m too narrow-minded to walk into the library and tell Miss Ida Hilton that I want to check out “I have 2 Mommies,” or “My Uncle Used To Love Me But She Died.”