HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The GOP Senate failed to pass its health care bill Tuesday and North Korea vowed to nuke the U.S. The mainstream media continued to haze President Trump like an unwanted fraternity pledge. In other news, O.J. Simpson may be released from prison today, so there you go, things can get worse.
O.J. Simpson is reportedly favored to win his parole when he appears before the Nevada State Parole Board today. He’s said many times that he contemplated committing suicide. Well, O.J. didn’t exactly say the word suicide, he vowed he was going to kill the man who murdered his wife.
O.J. Simpson’s possible release and likely TV reality series is forcing cable networks to upgrade their game to meet the competition. Animal Planet already changed the Shark Week swimming race rules between Michael Phelps and the Great White Shark. Now, the winner gets to eat the loser.
Donald Trump Jr.’s list of attendees with the Moscow attorney kept growing Tuesday, fueling speculation. A Russian lawyer, a former KGB officer, a money-launderer, a Hollywood producer and the presidential candidate’s son walk into a bar. The bartender says, this must be about adoption.
Ford auto dealers reported finding one million dollars worth of marijuana stashed inside the rear trunk of Ford Focus cars this week. No one knows how many trunks are filled with pot. This is what Detroit has to do to get young people in Los Angeles to even think about buying a Ford Focus.
The Washington Post reports Capitol Hill police picked up a suspicious person who crashed his car into the U.S. Capitol barrier. Wise choice of targets. By the time the House and Senate finish debating what do with the guy, the seven-year statute of limitations will pass and he’ll be a free man.
The GOP Senate lost votes to repeal Obamacare as the time approached to vote up or down on Monday. Up to last year, the vote to repeal passed over 50 times. GOP senators from swing states were plenty brave enough to vote to pass a repeal of Obamacare as long as Obama was there to veto it.
North Korea’s Kim Jung Un presided over a glittering army parade in an attempt to intimidate the world last week. The North Koreans haven’t fought a war in 64 years and every North Korean general wears at least 40 medals pinned to their chests. We could defeat them with a magnet.
Homeland Security warned Monday the fall of ISIS cities could result in terrorists fanning out overseas and spreading jihad. One report says that terrorists are making plans to attack and kill every U.S. citizen in Los Angeles. Police officials fear that the death toll could be as high as 100.
President Trump attended the U.S. Women’s Open Golf Championship at his Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey. It was a chore in a way. Trump made the deal to host the tournament a few years ago when he thought it’d allow him the chance to crown America’s most beautiful golfer.
Hollywood mourned the passing of filmmaker George Romero Sunday. He wrote and directed the classic horror and satirical movies about a zombie apocalypse, starting 50 years ago with "Dawn of the Living Dead." It’s so cool George Romero finally gets to appear in one of his own movies.
Conservative author Ann Coulter made news when she threw a fit over Delta Airlines bumping her from a flight and costing her $30. Her complaint was met with overwhelming public scorn. You know you have a likeability problem when the American people are siding with the airline.
Playboy reports Japanese female sex robots went on the market worldwide this month and are getting huge sales. A fraternity brother shipped me one as a prank Monday. Talk about realistic, she’s only been in Los Angeles three hours and already she’s looking for an engineer to get implants.
E-mail Hamilton at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.