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Kim and Trump's common enemy
God bless America...
Argus Hamilton.jpg
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody? 

Buffalo Wild Wings began home delivery of beer and wine, causing bar industry experts to fear that people will start preferring home drinking. There’s no glory in that. You need a license to practice medicine or catch a fish but they’ll give a karaoke machine microphone to just about anyone.

The Supreme Court upheld the right of Colorado merchants to exercise their religious beliefs in business due to a one-sided review of a gay-rights case by state officials. The big issue wasn’t settled. I believe Jesus is always by my side, which entitles me to use the carpool lane in Los Angeles. 

President Trump met with House leaders Monday to try to write a border control bill that will solve the separation of kids from their detained illegal alien parents for two weeks. I was once separated from my parents for two weeks and I cried and I felt abandoned. How I hated church camp.

The White House faced media fury for separating kids from their border-crossing parents who broke the law. The anger got a little silly. At six o’clock, CBS Radio in L.A. reported how terrible it was for U.S. to separate children from their parents and then cut to a commercial for Medieval Times.

President Trump declared the U.S. will not become a migrant camp on Monday. He wants a bill in Congress that will keep asylum-seeking families together, legalize the DACA Dreamers and allow Trump to build a border wall. Central Americans are very upset about the wall, but they’ll get over it.

President Trump defied Democratic scolding for calling MS-13 gang members animals Friday by repeating the name in a speech he gave. It is politically incorrect for Trump to address a border-crossing cocaine, heroin, and meth dealer as an animal. The polite term is wellness ambassadors.

South Korea soccer coach Shin Tae-Young admitted on ESPN he changed the numbers on his players’ backs to confuse the Swedish team in a recent match. He said it was to confuse foreigners who have trouble distinguishing Asians. I still don’t understand why Jackie Chan is getting involved.

The U.S., Mexico and Canada won a bid to host the World Cup together. To get from one match to the next, players may have to leap over the Mexico border wall, outrun police cars in the U.S., then go crashing through the tariffs to get into Canada. Only then will Americans agree to call it football.

The World Cup drew soccer hooligans from abroad to roil the matches in Moscow. The police in Russia arrested 68 Iranians, 24 Nicaraguans, eight Senegalese and 15 Mexicans. They were all put on a plane and should arrive home in Los Angeles within the next hour. 

President Trump gave a speech Monday directing the Pentagon to create a U.S. Space Force as an independent branch of the U.S. military. The president’s next presidential campaign theme is starting to take shape. We’re going to build a ceiling and we’re going to make the Klingons pay for it.

President Trump in announcing the Space Force unfortunately said the service branch will be separate but equal. The Supreme Court will never allow that. Black people will rightly insist that separate but equal means that Mars will be a gated community while they’re way out there on Uranus. 

Washington Post employees signed a letter demanding owner Jeff Bezos give them pay raises and increase benefits and retirement after his worth rose to $150 billion Monday. The newsroom staff is getting a little desperate. What’s worse, it’s starting to look like that bonus he offered everyone if they can get Trump impeached is going to take a little longer than they thought. 

Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at

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