To my friends in the Legislature (and, yes, you are my friends. Without you, I wouldn’t have a job).I know you are hard at work pushing the Second Amendment rights of hormone-laden college kids (cue the national anthem) even though you are trampling on my constitutional right to bring my Red Ryder pump-action BB gun with camouflage stock (The Squirrel Squelcher) into the Gold Dome. Not to mention your tireless efforts to allow me to refuse any left-handed transvestite who crossed our borders illegally and wants to marry a Shetland pony from reading this column. (See why you are my friends?)I thought if you had a minute between fending off lizard-loafered lobbyists who want to buy your dinner and accepting campaign contributions that in no way will influence your vote (wink! wink!), I might catch you up on what is on the minds of schoolteachers these days.