MOULTRIE — The first item in my emails today was: “How to get thin quickly.”
I had just had a large breakfast so I wondered if someone was spying on me.
Anyway, weight-loss projects show up in my emails daily. On one particular day, there were nine emails that promoted some form of weight reduction. Recently it was determined that 30 percent of the world is now overweight.
As you know, most weight-loss programs are short-lived. It takes a lot of dedication and discipline to stay on a program, and even then if you don’t exercise, the fat reduction will be temporary.
But there is one way to do a quick weight-loss program that is proven. Get to be on that TV show “Naked and Afraid.” It’s a survival show where a man and woman (total strangers) take off their britches and wander off into the jungle or desert together. I’ve been watching this show, mostly for the laughs. But on average these “survivors” — and I use that term loosely — lose 25 to 35 pounds over a 21-day period.
Basically, they starve.
During the process they get eaten alive by mosquitoes and other insects. They freeze. They get drenched. They get blisters, cuts, thorns and sunburn. By the end of the show, they look like they have wallowed in a fireplace. As opposed to instructional-type survivor shows, these people mostly lay around and starve. They complain the whole time and wish they were back home.
Their actual survival skills are poor at best. They eat a few lizards, some berries and maybe a field mouse. Before the 21 days are up, their bodies have begun to digest their own muscle tissue.
Some of the contestants throw in the towel after boohooing a lot. In a couple of episodes the man and woman have almost come to blows.
A person can live about three days without water. He can live about three weeks without food, so the show says. So in many cases, because of the 21-day-stay, they go right up to the edge of starvation. They can barely walk when the rescue boat or helicopter arrives.
But when the smoke clears, assuming they can even build a fire, they walk or crawl away with very little body fat.
The other night, the female on the show was a vegetarian. Now maybe she didn’t think this thing through but the show is about “survival” and not making political statements.
Before that segment ended, however, she had partaken of some roasted lizard. Ironically, she and her partner worked quite well together.
Now the whole time I’m watching this show I’m wondering if there’s any socially redeeming value in it. Does it have any practical application?
Well it did make me do a bit of deep thinking. I thought to myself, what if we took the most conservative Republican in Congress and the most liberal Democrat and dumped them buck naked into a jungle for 21 days. Could they learn to improvise? Could they learn to live tight, to get by? Could they learn to do more with less? Could they discover bipartisanship?
And if they survived, could they take these new-found skills back to Congress and parlay them into a greater sense of leadership?
Yea, I know, this is wishful thinking.
Of course we could not force them to do this because that would fly in the face of our democratic principles.
And the chances of them volunteering for such an adventure would be slim and none.
On second thought, let them keep their pants on. Otherwise, they might go back to Congress and give a whole new meaning to the concept of “casual Friday.”
You can contact Walden at 985-4545 or firstname.lastname@example.org.